Oh Wow!

Got my motorcycle back from the shop.

Repairs only cost $600; which was fine. I didn't want to buy that new ivory back scratcher anyways.

After some difficulty with their sales staff (overcharging my visa, trying to give a refund and discovering that visa refunds take 48 hours to go through... and didn't have more room) talking with a manager (sitting in her office for an hour while she was on hold). Flirting with the sales staff a little bit and finally getting my key and a "have a nice day."

I was ready to bike back to the office.

Well... its about 20 minutes sice I've arrived; I'm still coming down from the adrenaline.

Like damn!

I even took her into seccond gear. (first does 0-80kph) Forgot how powerfull my little girl is... and I like it. The clutch adjustments they've done were startling (stalled the bike 3 times before I got the hang of it... in the parking lot none the less) and the new front breaks and tire make the bike feel brand new.

But still... pulling behind a car and seeing everyone in the back seat turn around looking at me and the blazing hot screamer between my legs... it tickles me.

*smile*

So I'm here, and still alive (which is definately a positive)... what a rush.

Telephone

So... Ever play telephone?

Where you have a line of people. One person at one end starts by saying something into the next person's ear. Pass the saying (or word even) down the line and gradually (between miscommunications and hyjinx) becomes something else.

I feel like that right now.

I know some events have happened in my past, but gradually looking at them over time; they become distored and different.

Almost like my mind is shaping the event to something I would want to happen instead of what actually happened.

I'm not talking about being abused by people or chased by wild animals; the emotions involved have kept those memories clear.

I'm just talking about every day occourances. Meeting people, seeing people, being out with friends.

Just something every day enough not to question what happened.

Where slowly, the versions of the people involved become different.

Havn't you ever heard a friend describe something and been like "thats not how it happened?"

Maybe it is how it happened, and your version has been altered?

defining moments

Its always been my belief that there are defining moments in one's life.

Moments where trauma or stress push us to the limit of human imagination. Force us to act completely based on levels of instict we never new existed.

And what comes through?

Fight or flight.

I've been in some situations of my own. I'm proud to say that I always look after others in situations of emergencies. Little care to damage, just make sure the people involved are ok.

I had an epiffany lately.

Maybe it isn't the massive decisions that we make that define what we do... but the small ones. Day to day choices. Things like "do I go left, or do I turn right?" that sum up so that when we think we're really changing the world, we're really re-inacting what we've allready decided to do.

memories

So...

it looks like my brother is loosing his memory.

Things which I can pull up with crystal clarity, tramatic events from our childhood... or happy events from our childhood...

And he remembers nothing of them.

If your memories start to dissapear, who do you become?

He's been acting strangely lately... like he doesn't understand what to do in situations. Anger and frustration run amuck in his mind...

I wouldn't be suprised if its not because of stress; but because he knows he should know what to do, but can't remember.

Relationships - the first phone call

The first phone call

So, no matter where you meet a girl (being online, at a grocery store, bar...) the next time you speak with that person will be over the telephone.

Unfortunately, this is where your first series of traps will be found.

Things she watches for, that we don't know about and rarely avoid.

Ideally, the first conversation should be about now. Not the past, not the future. You don't want too much thought being put into her and you... just make a brisk contact into her life and getout with all parties feeling good.

This has to be brisk, because the phone really doesn't cut it. You will both form images of the other person, things to live up to, or to get out of the way... that will be your enemy after the first contact... so don't give many chances for bad things to be created.

You never want to brag or proove anything, but show your best side. This is your chance. At the bar when you've picked her up for a one night stand (or at church when she was glowing with a holy light) you were in that moment, with your friends or in the scene. You need to show her that you can be here, "in the now" with Her.

Here are some pointers.

Ideals:

1) Start by asking if she has a minute to chat... and if not, arrange another time.
2) Keep the phone conversation under a half hour.
3) Don't say that your calling because your bored.
4) Don't swear.
5) Don't be the one to introduce sex.
6) If sex is introduced, don't introduce potentially scandalous practices.
7) Don't ask her the usual 20 questions
8) When concluding the conversation, do it because something has come up, and always on a positive note.
9) Don't discuss past relationships.
10) Don't use other person references.
11) Compliment her once and only once.
12) Thank her for talking with you.
13) Possibly arrange another conversation.
14) Make next contact 2-3 days from first contact.
15) Be happy.
16) No pressure!

Ok... now that I've listed our headings, lets go into detail and why.

1) Start by asking if she has a minute to chat... and if not, arrange another time.

Very simple. Before you came along, she had a life. (and it didn't include budgeting time for guys calling when ever they felt like it) Showing respect for that life is important. It shows that your a caring, understanding person who is willing to enter into an adult relationship. Not always "me me me" or "you you you" but "us".

Seccond of all, this gives her an oppourtunity to brush you off... incase she was drunk and is married... just forgot. If she doesn't brush you off here; then she wants you; she just doesn't know how much.

2) Keep the phone conversation under a half hour.

The worst trap to fall into is conversation extensions. Especially when talking with a person before bed time, if you both fall asleep as soon as you've hung up; congradulations. You fail. If you have a call and let it get carried away, your clearly giving the signal that not only is she important, but your desperate for someone like her. This will start to generate the feeling that she is better than you, and lets face it. We're all looking for someone better than ourselves... so presenting yourself as a looser is the fast track to being alone.

3) Don't say that your calling because your bored.

When you call, especially that first time; you want to make it all about her. This is your 'first' or 'first real' impression. If your in the urinal / elevator / driving home from another town, it says "I have time for you when my life isn't in the way". I'm not saying wait until superbowl sunday and turn off the game to make this time valuable. I am saying find an evening when you could be doing something else, make plans for later but create a half hour for this conversation first.

4) Don't swear.

It doesn't matter what your looking for. She is looking for someone who can eventually be introduced to the family, so you need to show her that your language habits are firmly under control. If she has a really fowl mouth, great! follow suit and make her coumfortable. Just make sure that your language is one step less harsh than hers... "your better than her" and you want her to see it. That makes her want you.

5) Don't be the one to introduce sex.

If your talking, she says something like "I'm having a girls night out" and you start giggling manically, making references to pillows and thongs... this is your last conversation with her. Every man thinks about a girl naked or sleeping with her. Its part of us. Every man in the past she's shot down has thought about it. You need to be different. The most rare jewels are unique.

6) If sex is introduced, don't introduce potentially scandalous practices.

The conversation is going well, you hit it off perfectly. You've proven that you anen't an idiot, but made her feel good about herself. She says something about enjoying blowjobs. This is not the time to say "blow jobs are great, but can I blow all over your face when I'm done?" or "wicked... I'll let you know when I'm horney by holding you down and shitting on your chest."

Women are more horney than men are, hands down. We think about sex all the time, but they have larger peaks (and valleys) than we can imagine. You need to make her feel coumfortable and she will want whatever you have to offer. You don't need to tell her what you want and hope she can give it.

Finally on this, people are different... and want different things. The first phone conversation isn't to contrast yourself from her... but to show how compatible you are. Even if she asks.

7) Don't ask her the usual 20 questions

People often get into a habit of asking the usual questions when they have nothing to talk about. Have some topics thought out, written down. Talking about music is fine, but don't say "do you like music?" thats ordinary.

You'll eventually find out everything about her (even if you don't want to know) but make this conversation about you offering some information that relates to something you have in common and providing oppourtunity for her to talk next.

If you come to a point where you've been talking for 15 minutes, ask her a question and she doesn't want to talk, GET OUT! Pretend that it didn't happen, talk for another two or so minutes and excuse yourself from the phone. (supper time... etc.) Talk once or twice more, sure. Could have been a bad day; but if she contiunes a black out of information, ask her whats up, arrange to meet or terminate the operation. If she doesn't want to talk, three things may be happening. 1) bad day 2) not a phone talker or 3) SHE ISN'T INTO YOU.

Most commonly 3.

8) When concluding the conversation, do it because something has come up, and always on a positive note.

If you say "I'm tired of talking with you" or "some guy online told me to keep the conversation short" your probably not having another chance. You want something to come up, not because there is a call on the other line, or some tv show is on now that you just can't miss. You want it to be supper time, the roomate has come home and looks troubled... or something. (time to go to work / gym / parents etc.)

Your time is important, you need to show that. You made an interruption in your day for her, now you need to keep her wondering about you so she wants to talk to (or see) you again.

9) Don't discuss past relationships.

Past relationships come up when asked (and keep it damn short!) or on the fourth date and after. Before then, that is taboo. You do not want her to think about you sleeping with other people. You do not want her to think your a player or looser. You are. This conversation is about now, not then.

And seriously, every past relationship has ended (otherwise you wouldn't be here, trying to strike it up with a new girl.) You do not want her to think about relationships ending... because that translates into "this is a fling" and your current relationship ending.

10) Don't use other person references.

If your going to talk about how good you are, or your thougts on an issue, use first person references only. Say "I've always thought" or "I am" not "My roomate thinks I am" or "My mom always said I acted..." You need to be confident and secure, not based on others thoughts.

She can make her own oppionions about you, you don't need to show her a template on what to think to help her out. And if you are talking about something thats happened, trying to relate it to something she's said... don't bring in other friends, other people. If its a really good reference, she'll want to go out with them, not you.

11) Compliment her once and only once.

You want her to feel good about herself when the conversation is done. If you cut her down, or keep it negative, she won't. I sure as hell don't repeat bad experiances, unless she is broken, she won't want to either. (unless she left something at your house and has to get it.)

If you compliment her more than once on the other hand, she will feel better than you (potentially.) You want to show that you appreaciate something about her, that you can see how wonderfull she is and aren't afraid to express it. You don't want to show her how much better than you she is, or make her feel too good either.

Seccondly, don't compliment her on her voice or something else she has no control over. You want it a compliment on something she has chosen, learned, some practice she does... something like that. This instills the proper feeling in her and relates it with you.

12) Thank her for talking with you.

If this conversation has gone right, she will feel good about herself, sure. But she will still be unsure as to how you feel. Somehow you need her to feel that as her needs have been met, yours have as well... do this by (just before finishing the call) saying thanks. Thanks for taking the time, thanks for postponing dinner... anything. Not to sound like a business conclusion, but something personal. (buisness... this is for pleasure... not just to fullfill a desire that nature has imposed upon you.) Nothing that refers to you negatively (thanks for dealing with my stupidity) and nothing that cuts her down... inadvertantly or not (thanks for dumbing yourself down so I didn't get lost.) but something quick, light and personal that lets her know not only that she's appreciated but that you feel the same way she does... good.

13) Possibly arrange another conversation.

Everything has gone well... she has fallen in love. When do you call next? Ask. Where do you want to go? Don't feel good about coffee... want to strengthen the bonds? Before your done talking, arrange another conversation.

"Hey, I really enjoyed talking with you. When would you have time to talk some more?"

This avoids leaving messages on the machine. (machine of death!) This avoids "Sorry... I'm just with jimmy... can we talk later?" This also gives her a chance to show that she can set aside time for you.

If you arrange a date and time (see point 14) and she doesn't answer... then something is up... call back once more then drop the issue. Don't erase her number just yet... but you've clearly shown interest. She has to return it.

Finally on this, don't have her call you. Nine out of ten girls won't feel coumfortable to initiate contact the seccond time. Suck it up, call her again. (and if you meet, be 5 minutes early.)

14) Make next contact 2-3 days from first contact.

This is the MOST important. Everything else can go to hell if you follow this. The next contact cannot be the next day. Women need to perculate and think about you. If she hasn't had a chance to tell her girlfriend about you, then they can't decide where she wants to take you.

Not only that, but when she is talking about you (thinking about you) she will say things that she didn't know are true. eg. "I love him" "I can't stand him" "I want him to call" "I should call him" etc.

If you call after a day, she will (hopefully) remember you, and if you make plans to talk again, this gives her no excuse to forget about your call. Calenders are great for remembering birthdays and holidays.

Also so you don't forget. 5 minutes late or forgetting completely will cost you. Especially if she wants you and sets time aside.

15) Be happy.

Happy people allready win. If you talk about how shitty your day was, if you bad mouth anything; it shows her that you can bad mouth things, and she will expect you to talk poorly about you behind her back. Don't let that happen.

Also, when you show her that your happy without her, then you don't "need" her and aren't desperate. Your life is complete and you can share that feeling with her.

Lets face it, happiness is contageous.

Finally;

16) No pressure!

If you pressure her into meeting, into being with you or into anything in the initial phases; sure you will get what you want or allow her to experiance something... but it'll probably never happen again.

It doesn't matter if you talk again; your life does not hinge on seeing her tonight. Pressure is something people experiance at work, and usually don't like.

This is light. This is that type of whip cream people don't feel bad after eating.

*smile*

Shoot me some feedback on how close you think I am, or if you've tried these techniques out and they work or not.

Capt'n

Relationships - Intro

No matter which girl you talk to; they always say "honesty is the best policy"

Well... I've tried honesty in all its forms. Being honest about my feelings; being honest about my thoughts; being honest about what I see for us as a couple, being honest about who I am, and being honest about who I see her to be.

Well... none of it worked.

So I'm going to start a series of blog reports about "the relationship"

A comprehensive guide to everything I've found out about dating.

peace

Its funny... I always say "peace" when leaving someone.

not to be all gangsta' style and all... but seriously; when I leave someone, I want there to be peace in their life until they see me again.

Peace is the greatest blessing I can give a fellow human.

Oops

So, up front I'm gonna have to say that I removed a paragraph from my blog.

I did something that I'm sure every amateur blogger does at least once; mention something by name and perhaps refer to it with negative connotation.

First I have to say that what I wrote may be viewed as inappropriate. I wrote something quickly about a sales team that may have used underhanded approaches to convince my company to spend money on a product they may or may not need.

I believe there was a miscommunication regarding the arrangement of the presentation, as well as a misunderstanding of who to invite or who to involve. I'm sure the sales team didn't feel properly represented in our last presentation and attempted to hit some larger apples.

As I really don't want to be involved in any cases regarding slander or defamation please accept this post as an appology for any misconceptions.

My comment was about the practices of the salesmen, not regarding the product presented.

Capt'n

The bus terminal

So... I'm going to the bus terminal... and here is a little punk (16 years old) comes running up... looking behind him like he's expecting the bus at any minute.

I smile, tell him we've got 3 minutes to go before the 125 stops by. Thanked me, said that he has a date tonight.

I looked at him with a half smile... which clearly means "tell me more"; and the tale comes out.

He's liked this girl for a while, going to take her out for a movie. Needs to get home pretty quick so he's not late.

So I told him to take her to a scary movie... that way her body gets excited, often confused for being arroused. If thats what he's looking for. ( and if she's not attracted to him; well... then nothing to be concerned about) He's like... "as for that, I have this" pulls out his wallet, and sorta peeks out a condom.

I'm started laughing. This is one of those things that everyone has seen or done in there life... and here is proof that the circle continues to our youth.

So I made sure he was safe (cause us older folks have to do that) told him that exposing condoms to heat from being in your pocket and the wear of a wallet makes them expire before their date.

We chatted for a bit, I told him which bus will get him where. We get on the bus and some crazy's are there loaded with grocery bags.

I gave one a half smile, he smiled back... conversation started "Hows it going?" took off his mit, exposed his hand. I followed suit and we engauged in talk about getting a job for a software firm.

But still...

One guy older by several years, another younger by some as well... (I'm 23) both approach me out of the blue, looking for a decent conversation and advice. I love this adventure!

(It must be the sunglasses.)

Group conciousness

So... I am.

That is one of the founding ideals of humanity.

I am.

I am alone, I am 1 person, I am unique. These thoughts are things everyone thinks... things that drift through one's mind from time to time. They establish the boundries that our skin create.

But perhaps we're not so isolated as previously thought?

Thats where "We are" comes in.

I don't remember from where, but I have heard that the instinct in animals could be residual memories of that animals parents.

(there must be some science behind it... but I'm at work and don't want to research that topic)

But group conciouness in humans can be very easy to prove.

Look at this article from March 22/05 (yeah... yesterday)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7267687/

Two scientests working in seperate labs, not sharing information discover the same process of detecting extra-solar planets.

Same thing, different instruments, different place with no communication.

But our history is riddled with examples of this over and over again.

Look at (histories favorite) the telephone.

Look at the radio; the nuclear bomb, rocket exploration into space... I'm sure everyone has heard of wicked awesome co-incidences of one person beating another to the pattent office by minutes to receive acclaim on product invention.

And that was way before we had the internet (*laugh* even the telephone)... in an age where keeping knowledge to yourself creates power and wealth... that makes this all the more outrageous.

I'm sure there could be a ruling body that is slowly releasing technology to a few of its chosen "inventors" so they can race to the patent offices and say "look what I made"... but group conciousness would be a better one. Shared thoughts, shared memories.

Haven't you ever wondered about the words "mob mentality"?

Seriously... the whole thought of us being in a group of people suddenly becoming idiots completely on our own just doesn't make sence. Aren't we supposed to create something greater than the sum of the individuals involved?

But... if you apply the "group conciousness" ideal... perhaps we have easier access to the "thought pool" if we're closer together?

Really though... all it would take is one person to feel powerfully about something, have that coupled with a few people who are 'leaning' in the same direction... there you have it. A powersource creating something similar to fision... spreading through 5 or 6 people... you can infect the next 10 around you by sheer force.

A mob is formed.

The most intersting thing, is when I've taught martial arts classes, you feel a sort of euphoria. Allowing me (or whomever is there) unquestionable energy and ability. Belief in one's ability maybe making that a reality?

Which can easily extend to churches. You take one powerfull minister. Add a couple of religious zelots sitting in the front rows... and **tadaa** you have an emotionally moving ceremony.

And whomever isn't along the same waves, just make them sing the same songs as everyone else, I'm sure that would be enough to get their cogs moving in the same direction.

Thoughts?

A leap of faith

Its funny... faith is proven when we least expect.

Its almost like I need a person in my life... a filler if you will. When I've had a shit day at work and feel like just going home and browsing online for girls at my local 'pick me up' internet service; I need a friend to call me and say "Craig... you lazy son of a bitch come out and play."

To fill the void. The sand between my rocks and the water between my grains of sand.

So until recently, I had a person like that. I didn't really like him, there just wasn't alot of love between us.

I don't know who was in the wrong; but there was wrong happening. Whenever I would go for a girl pickup (which is like once or twice a week) he would find some way of totally fucking it up... or we would get about half way through and decide that she likes him and he would make an idiot of him self trying to cut me down and cut me off.

So... that relationship ended.

and I was like "what am I going to do now?"

So I found a temp to fill the void... but we're too different (and too alike) to spend massive amounts of time together. And before I could even think of finding someone else; another friend totally stepped up to the plate. Calling me out of the blue to chill. We've gone to play pool a few times now... and I feel chemistry.

(not in a... man with man type of strange way... like a totally cool friends looking to back eachother up in a girl (and fun) hunting extravaganza)

Does that sound weird?

The comedian

So I went and saw Ron James live tonight. A 2 hour comedy extraveganza!

Imagine this; A very short man flailing his arms making fun of the world for 2 hours.

One of the quickest people I've ever seen. Something would come up and he would respond so fast and efficient, it took me a couple secconds to realize that what he was talking about just happened.

Dialect. There are more words he used that I have no idea the meaning of than I would usually hear in a year. (and then some) A string of illiterations and pronouns prefixis and suffixes following... some jokes you have no idea about what he's talking... just a punch line would come up, your brain would snap to like an elastic band... and all of a sudden *funny*.

It was a neat experiance.

At the winspear. Sold out performance. Here we are, red neck albertans in a nice classy place wearin our blue jeans and runnin' shoes... good ol' home.

I don't blame people for running away to somewhere else.

That little bastard had us capitvated though. There was one point where he started describing a trip in a jet after a joke. As soon as he hit a specific part (pre-designated by him) the entire audience went dead silent. Like we're expecting the wonder of the world to be displayed before our eyes.

It was un-real.

I think what makes it funny; is that while he's making jokes, it brings to mind when you've seen that or when you've been in that situation... and you laugh at your memory, not necessarily at his portrayal.
--------

Energetically speaking; interesting stuff to watch.

Throughout the whole show, there was a seccond him... like he was extended a half person infront of himself. I thought it was my eyes focusing or something, but both he and his seccond half were focused completely. So I started relaxing into it and accepting.

I noticed a very deep indigo aura around him (maybe violet... I'm male and my color differentiation isn't very good... its either red, blue or green... everything else is a shade of something and can be ignored!)... I've seen blue, and vibrant blue/green (and green red once.. which was freaky) but that shade of indigo was something to see.

If I relaxed enough, I could see an outline aura about 2-3 feet around him... it was cool.

I've always heard that great performers (who would be called charasmatic) have very strong fields... but to see it is something else.

---------

Finally; we went to seccond cup after the show... to kill the lineup to get out of the parking complex we parked in. Was totally laughing and just relaxing... some guys walked into the store, this one slim shady (but sorta retarded style gangsta') walked up to the condiment shelf and just stood there. It was strange cause he had a big bag of cheerio's... not the honey nut ones either. Clearly there was something going on... and I was on alert for me and my friend; the till girl walked up to the 'walking out of the till area' exit and stood poised to do something managerial... gave a look ("if you do something, I'm gonna fuck you up") to the back of his head.

As soon as the look came out, everything just turned on for me. Funny, cause I feel all busted up from breaking yesterday (and today at work)... but in that moment, I could have lifted a car.

From relaxed off and laughing, no cares in the world... to ON! Nothing happened... but the chemicals seem to really make my stomache not feel good. (either that, or the caramel chocolate chip and marshmellow pie peice and large thing of hot chocolate upset my stomache... maybe both.)

Strange.

Good evening. If there is anyone along the way, I would recomend checking out Ron's tour. Its amazing.

Change

Funny thing.

I grew my hair out for 4 months... just to see what it would be like. Didn't like it; so on friday I had most of it cut off.

Now that its short, everyone's like "what happened?"

Upon further questioning, I've come to understand that they actually have no clue as to how my hair was before... or even how its different.

Just that it is different, and that they don't like it.

On a side note.

Breakdancing vs martial arts.

Before, I would say "hey, check out this really cool move I learned" and everyone who knew I'm a martial artist would back away or say "Don't you dare demonstrate on me!"

Now... I say "hey, check out this really cool move I learned" and everyone who was away comes closer to check it out. (sorta living vicariously through me I would guess.)

Not that I'm even 1:100 the breaker that I am a martial artist... but I guess martial arts are so main stream (and in a breaking demonstration, not alot of people get hurt.)

The hunger part 2

You know what...

After further evaluation I've come to understand my hunger a little more.

I'm showy when I need to be showy; but I really prefer to keep my strengths to myself.

I'm hungry, but not egotistically hungry. I just want to learn everything about everything.

------------

I've also noticed that when a person in public is reserved or humble; its totally interpreted as that person being weak or subserviant.

Which is unfortunate.

On the other hand, no one cars if your a professional diver. No one cares if you know Pi to like a million digits. In this plastic stamped people world, normal and standard are favored.

Upon greeting the average passer by, if you say anything other than "good" or "well" (or the other 10 common words used to say everything is status-quo) to answer your either seen as desiring attention (negative) or ignored.

But if we're changing as people, we really just want everything else to stay the same.

The best game played

So... I'm a scorpio... and we're renowned for doing mind jobs.

Which is wonderfull... because every once in a while, getting into someone's head and totally pulling their strings (or helping them with a quandry for that matter) is better than a hit of cocaine (not that I would know what cocaine feels like... but I'm sure it can't compare with a successfull puppeteering).

Now... if you're going to pull a jedi mind trick out of your bag... its not often that you have to do a complete labodimy. People see that and are weary. (oooh... look at his hand waving around... he must be trying something fancy!)

The jedi (or ninja... probably the yogi's too) I would guess have the amazing ability to push or pull... to make a person react in a way that your next prod produces the desired results.

Like chess. Where this move only forces your opponent to do what you want to setup for the next move.

I guess the only catch is, any successfull negotation can only be called a success if no one ever knows that you've done it.

Mosquito's get killed when they're caught sucking blood...

So if your hands up someone's ass making them talk; use lubrication... otherwise you won't be able to get out with out assistance.

Good vs bad

You know you've had it easy when you can't say "I've had to stay hom for the day to protect my garden from a horde of maurauding baboons."

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=136&art_id=qw1110985201853B225

The power

So... I've had a question for a long time... and I still have problems putting it into words.

I have power. Power over others, power over myself and power over my environment. But why do I have this power? and what good does it do to have this power?

I was sitting in the bus stop today after work, nice heated area; completely weather proof. Signs all over saying "no smoking, bylaw #something".

Two kids were inside the bus shelter smoking.

Now all due respect, they were blowing out through the door; but their smokes were still inside being all smokey.

I couldn't smell the smoke, and I was standing right beside them. Didn't like it much, but didn't really care, so I moved a little ways away and sat down.

Was thinking "I should really do something about this." As soon as that thought left my head, this old guy walked up to them, started calling them names. Told them to go and smoke outside. Said that its against the law and it was killing him.

As he didn't approach the situation right, they got upset, started calling him names. It was apperant that this was going to happen for quite some time... so I stood up and calmly said "I'm sorry, but it was bothering me as well." (I actually look quite intimidating some times) They looked at me, decided it was in their best interest to be outside. (there is more, but its just too much verbage, this covers the important part anyways)

Now... I didn't act. The old man acted and it almost got him gang banged by some punk ass kids (probably 16-17 years old).

My point is, I have this 'power' (or ability - not like a super power... but the power to initiate contact and to follow through with a deterring action if my suggestions aren't appreciated)

And I was given this power because if I don't act, situations will be resolved with unsatisfactory results.

Brests

Every once in a while, us as men need to contemplate the simple necessities in our lives.

Sure there are cars, work, the weather... but I'm talking about brests.

Today at the office, one of the guys had a visitor. I'm talking 5'4", very trim body and a C cup. Funny was, she was walking through the office, not much for posture, or composure. Not alot of self confidence (which I find so attractive!) or really that good looking.

For some reason, I was awe struck.

It might have been due to massive amounts of caffine (you ever drink something called Bawls?) or the fact that I work in a 99% male environment... but I couldn't stop pretending to walk by where she was visiting, and checking her out. I wanted to be noticed, like a peacock; ruffling his feathers.

We fast forward to the pool. This girl was sitting beside a guy (obviously a friend or lover) in the sauna. Her bekini was seriously sized wrong... her brests were totally visible. I'm not talking a nice firm breast package... but an "I'm leaning forward for every male around me to look at my cleavage" but with a little natural sag happening.

Like she was only wearing the fabric to cover nipples, not to assist in keeping the appearance of a youthfull firmness.

She must have been between 16 and 18, but still... any man in his right mind would stare and be dumbstruck; to hell with consequences (for example... the rest of the guys in the sauna)


Now... this fully clothed 20 year old vixen... I couldn't get enough of.

This Very under clothed 16 year old skank... I didn't even want to look at.

There is something here to learn from.

The hunger

All of us are born hungry.

Some people are hungry for acclaim, some for power, some for a family. But its there... that hunger that burns inside until its satiated.

I was at dance class yesterday, talking with my instructor. After the end (this is class 2 mind you... thats right, I've been dancing for 2 whole hours) he turns to me and says "your hungry aren't you?"

And thats it. That sums my whole existance over the last 6 years. Through two martial arts dojo's (well, a dojo and a dojang), through school, through living with friends, through 4 jobs, through everything. With those words. "I'm hungry."

A hunger. What my current CEO would call "that fire in the belly". Maybe its hungry for success that keeps one like me going. The indomitable spirit. We climb the mountain... not because its easy, but because it is hard.

Or perhaps its hunger to proove something to the outside world.

The statements "I'm smarter" "I'm faster" "I'm stronger" "I can hit harder" "I can look cooler" "I can glide where others stagger" "I can keep going where others fall"

Rarely are these things said to one's self in the mirror late at night.

These are things that you say to a new girlfriend, to proove to her that your a special person... better than the other guys whom your fighting against for her love.

And I turned around tonight. Looked at what I've done. Who I am... and thats me.

I'm hungry. I feel that fire. That obsessive "I need to be better". Not so I can say "Look where I've been" but "Look who I've beat".

how do you go about changing that?

the sum of our parts

So... I was at Breaking class today. Still struggling to not say that I'm a ninja, but talking with some guys at class.

It appears that they've accepted me and celebrate me as a member of their little club. Which is great. I come with no credentials, no experiance, nothing relevant. I havn't talked about myself or who I am... I just live in the now with them all... and they accept that.

Which is cool. I guess we are the culmination of our experiances. Wether we actively use those experiances or if people just see them behind our eyes.

Every few days, when I feel scattered. Waking up not really knowing whats going on, with no direction or focus... I close my eyes and say the magic words "My name is Craig"... and that summarizes everything about me.

And If you focus and give those words power... your mind becomes focused and relaxed.

Swimming

So I am now considered a swimmer!

Some guys at the pool are starting to warm up to me, smile and I even held a conversation with a guy for almost 3 minutes. (which for men is almost a reccord)

Other than that... well, life moves on.

I sorta had a thought. That when people are thinking, and your trying to 'listen in' to whats going on... if their thoughts are about you (involving you in their intention) then its definately easier to pickup whats going on. From a distance, or without contact... still not that bad.

(which is why sometimes you'll think of a person, and they'll call... cause they've had intention leading to action involving you... so the thought gets shared)

On the other hand, when they're thinking about something (or someone) else, its totally easier to subtly change the course of what they think. Weather its through energetic or physical means...

Just my thoughts.

Another quicky - never energetically bond with a dog thats 1) annoying, who doesn't know about going to the bathroom outside the house and 2) not yours.

Seriously... when the owner realizes when you walk in the dog runs to you, treats you like the leader of the pack and effortlessly follows your verbal commands... there is potential for negativity to be expressed.

Looking inside

There is a way... some eyes I guess I seldom use; when you look at another person, you can see through them.

Their deepest darkest fears, their anxieties, their understandings and their intentions all become bathed in light.

The most important question involving this is not wether its 'fair' to use such an ability, mostly concerning is weather I'm ready to see someone's soul.

No matter who it is viewed, there are things they hide from others. Not to decieve, but to protect them. Some shaddow of doubt, I would guess a skeleton hiding in their closet that shouldn't ever be exposed to the light.

Honesty is a virtue, but anything too much becomes negative.

Good news and bad news.

So... that sound was only 500 dollars. Dissapointing. I've heard 500 dollars before... and I guess I just heard it with a different accent.

Looks like the oil leaking... well that seal may be the only one which can be changed from the outside of the engine. The shaft that's busted ass, the chain and sprokets; ordered them up. looks like they're about 350 total. Another hundred for labour... and 50 bucks for lunch...

Roomate is out in red deer... but his girlfriend is living here to take care of his dog.

Tired of watching movies... she decided to rent seasons of television shows. Last few nights were season's two and three of '24'. Tonight... the last season of sex and the city.

Watching some of it with her... the question is arrised. This show... is this how life is for girls? Cause it seems like the same actions, just a completely different perspective... different actions/reactions. I dunno.

It just seemed so ... fake.

I guess I'm not its target demographic.

I only swam 23 lengths tonight. I think its because of the agonising pain from breaking class... and that I'm sick. I'll do better thursday night.

C

whats inside can number 1?

So... a question came up a little bit ago, that I 'm still mystified about.

Whats worse for you, a can of sprite or a can of beer?

C

Every moment

So, in ninjutsu class; to bow in we say some magic japaneese words, roughly translated mean "every moment holds the possibility for enlightenment"

Taking that into every day life... every moment holds unlimited potential.

I've found throughout the years (not that I'm very old) that whenever I think something insignificant is happening, having a casual conversation or saying small sideline thoughts; somehow I effect someone's life.

The other day, I was at a superbowl party (by other day, I mean a month or so in the past). Talking to friends, chillin' stuff like that. A friend turned to me and said "holy shit, you've lost tons of weight" to which I casually replied, "I didn't like my body, so I figured I'd strip it down and rebuild it"

She repeated that to herself twice or three times, we hugged and seperated.

Tonight we went out for dinner (and some other friends) I turned, and realised that she looked like she's lost alot of weight. I commented, said she looked really good. She told me that my comment the other night really hit some ground. That she was rebuilding her body too.

Change.

Which is totally cool. There have been times in the past where I smiled once, added another dollar or two onto a tip or just let someone else go infront of me; and you see the difference.

Somehow a year later, a day later... it comes back where you see how you've influenced someone's life by doing the slightest positive thing.

C

Bright sunny day

So,

A realizatin has come to me.

When you do something that your not supposed to be doing; somthing bad will happen which punnishes you for doing it.

So its March... like march 5th. There is snow still on the ground, my street is absolutely flooded with slush and ice... and here I am, like an idiot, taking my bike out for a quicky around the block.

I go for a small ride (to pick up chicks or somethin) about 10-15 blocks away from my house, and I hear "BANG!" all power to my tire stops and there is this crazy sound coming from the back tire. I kill the ignition, coast into a parking lot... have a peek.

Oh, my chain fell off... and is broken in two spots, and it looks to have fucked things up.

I do what any self respecting motorcyclist does. Walk her home, talking nice to her like she's a sick girlfriend who can't help throwing up.

Along the way a few bikers stop to see whats going on, if I need help or if they can help fix my injured girl.

I get one to sit on her and make sure she doesn't fall (on the ice and slush) while I push for a few blocks; put her onto my sidewalk and kiss her good night.

In alberta, we're nice people. But still, if a car breaks down, there will be at least an hour before someone stops to help. Or even ask if you need help.

In the period of 20 minutes, two bikers stopped (one on a harley, which is taboo... to talk to a street biker) and an offroad scotter (it had winter tires on!) guy stopped and helped push.

Impressed? Totally! Upset that I busted my bike? Totally!

But take what you want, just prepare to pay for it when the bill comes.

C

*Revision*

So, I had a look... and my bike is turbo-fucked. Specifically, it looks like something happened to the chain, which caused it to slip a couple of times... and when it retensioned, the sudden addition of tork not only threw it completely off its cog, but sheared a bar inside the crank case, and punched through a seal in the engine.

So... to fix my bike, we have to crack the engine, fix some seals, rebuild the crank case, replace the chain, front and rear cog.

Grass and Blind dates

Before I get into a story of some sort, I want to say that if anyone out there is inclined to try something disgusting, please purchase a grass shot from booster juice.

I've always seen the grass sitting there, and watched people buy them... but I'm a person that can't really stand sitting by the sidelines and not checking out what things are like.

So this morning on my way to work, a co-worker picked me up and we stopped by booster juice.

For 2.00 (plus gst) or so you get a 1 oz shot and a chaser (of either orange juice or pinaple juice). And you look at it, 1 ounce isn't alot of juice. But its like freaky green... and smells strangely like mowing the lawn. (without that gasolene smell from the lawn mower)

One small swig, shot it down bar style... and all of a sudden I could feel a classical "bitter beer" moment coming on.... where you just sorta hold your face in a messed up position in hopes that the taste will go away.

Took the pinaple juice... and my smoothie pretty quickly. Still didn't help much to tell you the truth.

All morning, every time I cough or burp; it tastes like summer.

------------

So a blind date last night.

I play pool almost obsessively... and have a hall where the waitresses sorta know me (probably because I've tried to pick up each of them on seperate occasions). Decided that this would be a really good place to take a girl on an internet first date.

I'm tired of detail today, but all I have to say is whenever going on a blind date of any sort... or a first date of any sort; go to neutral ground.

Incase you have to become a jerk (to get yourself out of a situation) or you have to be really smooth or just something other than you are; you need a place that doesn't allready hold an echo of who you are.

And, if she turns out to be really fat and ugly (which this girl wasn't) then you need a place where your not recognised or don't need to go back to. (if reputation is important to you)

Lastly, The kiss good night.

Watched Hitch the night before (Will smith is known as the date doctor)... Will talks about the kiss good night... where you walk a girl to her door, if she hesitates, go in for the kiss.... stop at 90% and then *magic*.

I've always been used to a position of coumfort. Where I'm the driver in a vehicle, drop a girl off. Maybe half the time will walk her to her door... but still in the vehicle, there is that "conversing transition" where you finish talking and are contemplating what to do. Maybe its been petty, but before I would sit there and watch my passenger be nervous, decide what to do, heisitate and then act. Usually this would just end up in a "well... good night" pause as she's leaving the car... and then drive away. ((Of course there were a few times that during conversation I would bring up the topic of a good night kiss... and proceed from there))

I never understood exactly what it was like for a passenger who didn't get any signals from the driver.

I think the rule of thumb should be that whomever is doing the driving has to set the condition. If the driver wants a good night kiss... to signal by taking off his or her seat belt, and perhaps go for the move in, or at least shift into park for an extended conversation or something.

Position being reversed last night (she drove me home) and I had absolutely no clue as to direction, intention or even if I found her attractive (no alcohol involved last night)... I sat there and just made as gracefull exit as possible; hoping that was cool.

Things that are allowed to drift through my head -

1) if she thought I was cool and looked at me as a potentially sexual object, if I didn't kiss her then perhaps it would be taken negatively

2) this is how someone founds a 'friendship - relationship' by not holding the possibilities in their hand. I've been out on a first date with a girl and felt her need to press in close and kiss me... but the 'guess' that that may be not what she wants has gotten in the way....

Feel then do.

I think when walking on uncertain ground, that principal should be a good idea.

C

The old switcheroo

So I met this girl from the internet tonight.

Just got back from it actually.

Its funny, cause if you post a picture of you lying on a bed looking straight at the camera, there aren't may details that someone can glean. Just facial appearance really.

Well... add 10 pounds to your face after the picture is taken and try to pass that off to the guy you meet for coffee.

So... I'm woeing this girl... she thinks I'm absolutely awesome. and all of a sudden I realise that I am not attracted to her at all... how do you do that switch? (don't get me wrong, looks aren't even half... but when that leg of a three legged chair is missing, the chair isn't held up... and thats only a 30% sharing ratio. In this case everything else didn't line up, but would have been ok if we had a click) Instead of a direct confrontation "excuse me, please get out of my personal space" try just being off. Instead of her being attracted to me completely, she was like "something is just sorta wrong" will translate it into her head as just no "click" and call it done.

On the lighter side, I met a my new roomate tonight. As the 'blind' date didn't go well, the 'blind' roomate hunt has resulted in a success.

No more "dog house" (I seriously don't like that dog)... this guy is awesome. he does have 2 cats, but they're nice cats... so its ok.

He seems like a little... off kilter in the head, but so am I; so everything is perfect.

Life progresses; fate steps in.

*Revision*

I did some inner searching, and it was more than looks that made me not "want" that girl. Every time I made a witty/sarcastic comment, I had to stop and explain what I ment to her.

Seriously, I'm a pretty smart person, and am looking for someone likewise. She didn't get any of them, and litterly 50% of what I have to say is comprised of witty/sarcastic comments.

NEXT!