Cougars, bears and ex-girlfriends

Was out for a jog off the lease (outside of the save confines of our work site) when a truck pulled up.

It was one of the site co-ordinators. He's all like "you guys know this is bear country eh?"... we smiled appropriately, he left and we continued on our way. 10 minutes later, on the way back another truck stopps. Another boss guy "are you guys aware that a cougar was spotted a few kilometers up the road a week back?" We smile; everyone goes on their way. Finally a truck stops with THE Site boss and another higher-up in it. "hey guys... you should probably not be out here, this is dangerous country; bears and all sorts of things that gobble up young joggers."

And we all go on our way.

Now seriously. Is this what we've been brought down to? I thought we were the top of the food chain. Two young athletic guys who clearly are aware of whats going on go out for a little jaunt. Not 1 but 3 trucks stop telling us about how dangerous this is; and these guys have fear in their eyes.

I understand thats a bad omen; 3 of them. but seriously...

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So the girl and I are broken up.

Strangely enough, this feels different than any breakup i've ever been involved in.

I know this directly relates to who I am as a person; which is good. I guess you can call this a litmus test for my soul.

Browsing online; just having a peek on lavalife there to see whats available; and I see her profile.

*smile* that not only is she back online looking for men (and good luck to you!) but online right now.

A lesser me would be... upset by this. But all I could do was smile. I guess something I'm afraid of, is when I leave a person's world that they're injured. Even when fighting, I've never tried to hurt someone; my life is no different.

And seeing a bird pushed out of its nest (yeah, i know I'm not a parent, or we're not birds... uh... so really this metaphore has nothing to do with whats happening) flying away only makes me sigh with relief.

I guess looking back; I don't want any attachment, I don't want really anything from her (or any girls I've ever dated for that matter.)

I guess like all men, I'm just looking for that little piece of immortality. That small card in the mail on my birthday; saying that I matter to someone. The smile; the understanding that the memories I've helped create won't be forgotten.

Two Weeks

So I've been out in the bush for two weeks now.

A little longer than I expected for my first job; but its definately a life. (and I'm making not bad cash doing it too...)

Fortunately, I took care of all bills that I could the last day; and I'm real happy I picked up that Ipod.

Updates? well, it fluctuates between -10 and +10 on a daily basis. Camp food is pretty good. Its nice to have the option of sleeping in and having someone deliver you supper (or breakfast as I call it).

I do continuously make mistakes (yeah, its almost humorous). Just last night i really fucked something up (which we can't change and gets sent to our head office at the end of each day). On the other hand, even though I'm about as green as it gets; i think the guys out here like me. I'm sorta looking forward to being assigned to a new trainer (cause i think some of my mannerisms are getting on this one's nerves).

Other than that? I'm becomming obsessive about pushups, situps and chinups. Havn't started with the handstand pushups; but think tomorrow I'll have to bust them out.

I'm tired of being lazy... time to become me again I guess.

On and off getting lonely.

During the nights; not talking or dealing with anyone is pretty nice. I find during the winters I'm an introvert and time like this where I get to work in silence is cherished.

I do sorta miss my family. I hope we can all get together when I get to town. (if I get to town any time in the next month...)

Yeah.

Whats really pleasing, is that all this time is allowing me to become intouch with some spirituality again.

I'm sure it has to do with the temorary insanity of little sleep; but I feel closer to myself than I have been in a long time.

*smile*

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still here.

Halloween

Beef drop wished me happy halloween friday; *smile* thank you!

Happy halloween to you all.

Its pretty fun out here. To be perfectly honest, I'm not getting a hell of alot of sleep. (and my performance is showing it) but I'm doing the best I can and hope I stay on permanently here.

Hot shotted a tool out to our site today; on no sleep + 5 hour drive (where most of it was blind corners on a gravel loggers rode) but its still amazingly fun.

I'll try to keep you posted.

Mail!

Beefdrop said: "Stupid fucking anonymous blogs, eh? I'm glad your'e having such a rockin' time. Is there anything you miss, like the presence of females, or things like that? What about poptarts? And watch out for that coffee, you health freak."

Thanks beefer for the mail.

The anonomous comments... well; I'm not sure if the people read my blog or just jump in and put their comments down...

like a dog, using his bitch; filling her up and leaving.

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do I miss things? hell yeah.

Yes and no.

I feel like I'm on a different planet here. Where the rules of reality don't exist.

Because of this, I just don't need the regular things. Or I didn't.

until I was flipping the channels and found a girl on girl softcore 2 hour special. Sorta shocked me into reality; but other than that... I'm doing very well.

I do miss the crowds in the city. Just wandering the mall to feel the press of people around me. Or being at a bar and having some stranger grab my ass...

Yeah I miss that, and I understand why the riggers all go crazy when they're in town. I may have to go out for a night to wash this 'no people' from my system.

so yeah. ask away if you have more questions...

addictions

Well... I'm firmly hooked on coffee.

and I know is very horrid for you... but these nights need a little caffine.

But hey! I'm actually sleeping in my off time now; which one would guess is a very good thing.

So... advances in the job.

I'm still in love with it. All these new challenges, these new situations and surroundings... its pretty damn interesting. not at all the stressfull startups of other jobs.

I'm content to say the least, and thats really saying something. So.. not only do I enjoy it, but while I'm sitting here doing nothing, I'm making a bunch of money too.

So yeah... life in the fast lane I guess.

Back to the books... I've got some problems to solve for my training and some information to fill into the endless paperwork that passes by my mobile work station... but then again; I do have 12 hours of doing nothing to do it all in; so no big deal there.

I'm actually enjoying this so much that I'm contemplating asking the office to send me up north for the winter. I'll be on for 3 months straight, but it'll be a part of the world that I wouldn't be able to visit otherwise... and you really have to seize these oppourtunities when they come.

during the night

I find that my body naturally wants to sleep between 3 and 4am. Just staying awake - though I was walking around, doing pushups, situps, drinking tea... (non-caffinated... um...) stuff like that. I almost fell asleep on my feet.

Fortunately no one else in my shack was up and alert. It would have looked rather humerous.

A man fighting and loosing against tiredness...

But as soon as 4 hit, wide alert; ready to go for another few hours. Truth be told, here is where the largest trap lies. For if I believe my body and relax in my vigilance against falling asleep; the battle will be lost.

What I do

To tell the truth, beefdrop, I don't think I can talk about what I do. The oil patch is ultra sensitive to espinage and all that.

So yeah; I have a tool that I take care of; but right now I just sit in a shack, look at some numbers and when asked translate them into things that mean stuff.

regarding the waking up the guy... well... specific services stay on lease (where the drilling rig is) and I'm one of those. I share a shack with a directional driller and the other guys who do what I do.

We arrived to this lease and apperently there was a spare bed in one of the other shacks. So I was told to put my crap into that shack... grabbed some stuff and walked in the shack.

My ninja sence was tingling so i just stood there for about 5 minutes... and i hear from the other side of the shack "HELLO?"... so i said I was in the wrong shack and left.

well... I get back to our shack and the guys were like "no matter what you do, be as quiet as possible so you don't wake up the big man." and i was like "crap" apperently, in the field, there is one main guy and I just woke him up.

so thats the story. as much as I know of it.

Regarding what I do... well... paperwork a 'lil and other than that, I've watched a few movies and played with my new laptop a bit. Perhaps have filled in like a dozen lines on page and with driving an' all... worked like 20 hours. so yeah.

Got some time to sleep since then... took a 5 hour nap ate some raisins and am ready to go for more.

On site

As everything goes with me... sometimes things take forever to develop, other times -overnight my entire world has flipped upside down.

I'm currently sitting about a 10 hour drive away from town, having been certified to work on the oil-patch as of 4:30pm yesterday; got a call 10:00am this morning saying "be at the office ready to leave at 1:00pm".

Of course my first thought was "Crap... I havn't packed anything and I'm not ready to go." So I flew around town, spent just over $2,000 on computer equipment and crap... thinking "gotta have something to take with me".

Which is funny, cause I literally ran into the house; slammed all my crap together, called a cab met it down stairs and was out the door just in time.

Got to the shop; waited for an hour for my ride and was gone.

Which sorta sucks, cause the guys from my old job and I were going to go for beers tonight; was really looking forward to that.

Whatever. I guess.

Anyways; there is one rule out on the job site. Don't wake up the "company man". This is a "fear of god" situation which you don't do...

Guess what i did in my first 15 minutes of arriving? seriously. damn.

But whatever. Do what I have to and see how the rest works our.

Anyways; talk more later.

Beefer said:

This blog sounds like either you were deep in soul while writing it, or you were high on some serious green. Interesting though.

Beefey;

Actually, I don't smoke anything... I was totally zenned. Funny enough, I read through it and it sounds like an uncompleted thought. Re-read it tomorrow and you should find it a little less articulate and a little more.

Capt'n

And the spending begins

Recieved confirmation that I'm actually working today.

Very excited. So what did I do? Went out and bought a 60GB ipod photo.

Like seriously. I just spent enough money to completely fix everything I want to (and add a few touches) on my bike. And then some.

On a little piece of metal that sits on my waist and provides listening pleasure.

I know what your thinking... Capt'n do you have a high-tech toothbrush?

No. I spent my electronic toothbrush money on an ipod.

Well... I'll just have to use it obsessively until my hearing goes.

But hey; ipods are supposed to pulg into an xbox 360 so you can listen to your music while your playing any game.

So really, its a multipurpose tool. A "living accessory".

changover part 100

Still working on changing over my job to my 'replacement'.

Its sorta exciting, to offer him all the informaiton that I never had when I started... but my boss is saying that the 'process' of finding the information is somewhat important. So I guess its sorta good that I didn't give much notice.

We're coming down to d-day with this new job... no word on success or failure (regarding the medical information) and if my current course of action fails, I'm not quite sure whats available.

But I'm sure you all are familiar with doing stupid things and jumping off cliffs.

Out of town tomorrow with mini-me to introduce him to the gang. I'm sure everything with go just fine.

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Thanksgiving - so I think I'm thankfull. Funny enough though, went to thanksgiving with the family and they all knew that I quit my old job (cause I'm working for my uncle I'd guess) for a new pursuit. All the family is excited for me. Like sending a kid into the Army back when that was cool.

I'm going to the front lines mom!

Alot of family over the weekend, and other than that (and a brief movie with the girl) I really did nothing.

Which was great.

Look at me... its almost 4:00 and I'm not completely exhausted. I could use a slurpie though.

Gonna do my best at class tonight.

I've sorta figured that cutting clean all of my old hobbies, all of my manurisms and my styles, my friends and my life; well... it feels very good. Especially since everyone is so excited for me and helping me do it.

If they were stubborn and didn't wanna let go, I'm sure this would be all a different story.

Maybe I feel like that 18 year old girl who is finally moving out on her own. (like in.. uh.. coyote ugly or... uh... a movie that didn't suck)

Truth's power

**Revision**
Due to me re-reading this posting... decided to change some stuff and make it so people can understand what I'm talking about.

C

When someone with power speaks what they know is true, events are changed.

In essence, this creates a self-fullfilling prophesy. Several times, I've said things that I know will be true... to have events change and convolute on themselves to make it unlikely. Only to have things semble into order again and create out of something unlikely the event which I called fourth in the first place.

Funny that.

It seems to me that for this to occour, the prophet must have some form of influence over what he's attempting; and some form of personal power or source.

For example, when I was with the healers, the lead healer said "I saw that sometime this year you will stop training martial arts." Wow... how long ago that was.

And sure as shit... right now, I completely have no desire to learn to kill. Actually, I seem to get sick from it. Forcing knowledge against my spirit has made me cold with shivers. Ehxausted when a person in my shape should be boyant.

This may seem strange for me to say, for someone to change their perspective should be common place. Funny enough, I went through a time this January where we took a ninja-break, shutting down the club.

Did some personal reflection and found that I want this. That I AM this and I truely enjoy it. Funny enough, with such force that I went into a training fervor.... only to walk away from it more permanently later.

She only had the power of speach - where I listened for truth in what she said; and her own personal energy.

Looking back (and forward) I've done this as well. Wether its the ability to create or to read what will be created by other means is impossible to tell... only that some times when I say something and know (not believe... past that; creating knowledge) that something is going to happen; it always does.

Very strangely. I said in arrogance that if I left, my current martial arts club would cease to exist... and now, we've been refunded our October tuition (did I mention that?) and class appears to be closing down.

I've said many things; to be confronted by their happening later on.

It looks like that 'be carefull what you wish for' adage may have some bearing after all.

wood... again

So I just spent almost a half hour cutting a piece of wood out of my hand.

yeah... sucky. The small cuts that are precision based are always the hardest; I swear.

But now, I'm bleeding cleanly and my hand should be splinter free.

Questions

So beefy asked some questions in his comment.

"Surprise! Well, this is your path. Have fun and kill the f*ckers if they try to slip you the salami. Two questions: are you going to maintain this site?, and how is this going to work with your g-friend (girl)?See you be-otch.Much love."

First off... I plan on establishing myself very well. At the last few camps I've been to, there was no attempted salami-slipping and I think I'll be the same way. I think it may have been a combination of some well timed noxious-gas and the comedic-tough guy routine that makes people love me but slightly unsure what I'm able to do.

Never mind after a month or so, my "Atienza - 8 foot whip" will have arrived in the mail which I look forward to practicing with on sight. Not to mention the small arsenal of 'toys' I try not to leave home without.

So yeah. As to the sight... I absolutely plan on keeping up with the site.

I havn't been much lately because my computer is sorta super-hooped. But looks like I have some money coming to me so I'll pick up one of those portable blogging devices (laptop) and jump right on it. Worse comes to worse, you'll all hear about the monotony of my new position; or how exciting it is...

The girlfriend... well, we're still in negotiations. She applied for a long-distance status and I guess I'm reviewing the application. She's taking this very well (from what I can tell). And I guess I really appreaciate that.

Whatever happens, I'll keep you all posted.

Fighting, healing, work and more

I don't know exactly what it is... wether stress or sickness; mental/physical/emotional or energetic... but my need to fight and train is dwindling.

Very strange. I look at what I can do, who I am by my nature and I love it. Embrace it in all its forms.

Perhaps thats whats changed. I'm easier with myself, so I no longer need to walk that edge to force a balance.

More thoughts on this later.

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Healing.

At the office, a friend of myne claims that his true path may be as a wandering healer.

To be perfectly honest, I almost started laughing. Its very often those who carry the most baggage are the ones who want to help others.

And I'm sure in matters of the mundane, its no big deal. If I pick something up for someone else, it doesn't really matter if my room at home has shit allover the floor. All the same.

Unfortunately though, with energy; the clarity of your spirit makes your ability to heal. Sure, there are those that can heal without health... but I'm not so sure I want to be touched by that. The spirit on that level asks for a price. And it seems to me that when a gift is offered by someone who has nothing to give, the gift has a price beyond words. Perhaps the smile offers happiness into their life... or perhaps they gain a memory from their "victum" of times better than they can experiance.

I'm not saying its bad... but the price... what differentiates those from others is when a price is asked, its asked for its known; and its value is known.

Just a thought.

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Work.

So... I still don't have the 100% on my new job. Even though a week has passed; I've done quite a few tests for "Insurence" purposes (I think) and am waiting for a clean bill of health before starting.

Which may or may not come.

First we go to the physical / drug test. Passed both with flying colors. Got 100% on the depth perception and color, registered at the top of the eye chart (20/16 corrected vision with my contacts) and am in very superior physical shape... I'm still questionable. Specifically, I accidently told them that I had pneumonia when I was 4. So I had to go back and do a lung capacity / breath content test. (got a B on that) and I mentioned my spleen problem too. So what happens? I get a call saying that I have to get a note from my family doctor saying I'm 100% and there aren't any concerns. Well... that would be easy if I went to the follow-up exams like I should have. oops.

So I call the office, my doc is on vacation; first appointment is Nov 1st. (crap!) make an appointment with another doctor and somehow twist time and space to get an ultrasound done the same day.

Lemmie rephrase this. My doc's appointment was on Wednesday at 10:10 to get an ultrasound requisition. The ultrasound was scheduled for 11:00. *laugh* and this was monday when I made the appointments. I win. (if you've ever tried to rush appointments at the hospital / clinic, you'll understand that its literally impossible)

Doc says that I should get test results back friday; have a note friday noon.

Here's the funny one. The official anouncement that I'm leaving is friday 8:30 at our morning meeting.

*laugh*

Well... I've grown a serious distaste for the job anyways; so its no biggie.

The best part is... my boss is always getting upset when people leave. Making excuses why things don't run par as they're escaping his clutches. His excuse is "he barely gave 2 weeks..."

I gave notice thursday pm. My last day is two weeks friday. Apperently thats not a full two weeks... with the holiday monday.

Well... jokes on him; I'll just work monday (charge a load of OT too!) to make sure everything is status quo.

Well... whatever.

what else?

Brought the girlfriend to meet the parents last weekend. It was pretty good. Talk about potential for strange.

We've got a Catholic raised Wiccian with a protestant raised ninja (yeah, its a religion now... I just made it one) going into a severly god-worshiping house.

But no one got hurt; and I beat dad at chess. What could be better?

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Broke my railing at work today. Instead of admitting to it; took my dremel and screwed it together again. Looks almost not-broken.

Was just thinking "I'd better not run my hand up and down it I might get slivers" when I ... ran my hand along it. And going down too... and I run down the stairs. So I got these large pieces of wood rammed into my hand. Not a pretty sight. Bit of blood, some fun with tweasers... and a knife.

OOPS!