Doubts

At class tuesday, had a substitute ninja teaching... everything was pretty cool; good class... until the end he started getting self concious.

With the whole "I don't really know what I'm doing, so I hope you guys had a good time" type of thing. Which was funny... cause 1) I only want to learn from people who know what they're doing and 2) up until that point, he had me completely convinced.

(and all this I shared with him later)

I was at work, about to ask my boss if I was doing allright; came to a small realization. If I do that, I'm like the instructor. If I have doubts about my abilities then clearly I'm not doing allright. *laugh*

That confidence is percieved as competance and doubts are percieved as failure.

I have alot more backup for this... but thats the jist.

Happy Canada Day!

From the past

Seriously... with all of this technology I have at my fingertips...

I still had to do a quick run to London Drugs for a box of Floppy Disks.

How retro.

Country dancing - the beginning

Before I start; here are the morals and conclusions...

1) Don't ever shoot hotsauce, no matter how good of an idea it seems at the time.

2) Country dancing is one of the easiest ways to get a girl into your arms and keep her there.

Gotta learn these some time; here's how I did it.

When I was younger, I was never really introduced to the bar scene. The guys I hung out with were all older and over the whole "dancing" thing or younger and not yet into it.

But as fate would have it, there came a time for me to be ram-rodded into the furnace to cook.

As I was graduating tech-school; there were these girls my best friend was interested in. Accidently ran into them at this festival (rock concert) the school put on. (headstones headlining for ... uh... some other band I can't remember... but they were really good.) After some of the girls got kicked out of the concert (for attacking some guys... I dunno what the deal was with that) they wanted us all to meet at a local bar.

Didn't really know what to expect, so we went looking for this place... found it a half hour later (cause we didn't know its actual name... just ended up driving around looking for it).

Ends up being a country bar.

Of course, two things come into effect. 1) I'm mildly drunk and 2) I don't know how to country dance. But one of the girls was totally cute (an effect of the beer in me) and I wanted to make some moves.

Ended up on the dance floor trying to two-step. By that, I mean sorta moshing and just moving all over this floor with no real steps or rhythm.

My friend, watching this (was considered a "cowboy" at the time...) was crying seeing the dismal failure I was on the floor. (needless to say I didn't get anywhere with that girl... no matter her social status - or the size of her ass. Which in both cases were below par.)

Decided that moment that he was going to get me an education. Every wednesday we started going to this place on the southside that has free country dance lessons. (might even meet some nice girls)

The first week, we sorta show up and mill around. First lesson? Waltz. (quick quick slow) Paired up with some girls... (what we soon realised was that the girls who go to country dance lessons to meet guys are less than average quality... like C+ or C level on the ordinary / desirable scale) and off we go.

I look at a table of girls; see a pretty and an ugly. I get a dumb ass smile; because buddy took me out that night; I guess I get the hit. So start talking with the short plumper; set it up for the two girls to be our partners.

Funny thing is; the plumper was actually super nice and was really good to dance with. The pertty girl? If I'm not mistaken, she was mute... or deaf or something. Disabled in some way that makes her less desirable to us trying to keep our genetic pools pristine.

Seccond class was 6-stepping... I got a middle aged married ugly and buddy got a hungarian (or something like that).

Was really funny, cause the ugly kept rubbing her hands on my arms n'stuff (feeling my muscles I guess?)

The hungarian on the other hand definately had the concept of "lead and follow" mixed up. My friend... 6'7" and a good weight... was being pushed and pulled by this girl; wherever she wanted to go. Best of all... she tried counting out the steps for him; but not in english... so all friend could hear was "ugh, arghs, ugh" with saliva. Constantly; throughout all songs until the end of the night.

Third class was... well, I can't remember. But I found a moderately not-ugly girl... asked her to be my partner. We danced for 2-3 songs until this pakistani cowboy came in.. all done up with boots, a huge ass buckle and a staw style cowboy hat. His plad was like pink and yellow and his pants seriously must have been cutting off circulation to his balls.

Of course when he saw me dancing with his "woman" he started getting all mad. She excused herself from me and ran over to him; where they fought for the rest of the evening.

Friend got an old lady who kept trying to grab his ass. *laugh* it was really cute watching them dance... she all curled up in his arms.

(sorry... but I remembr watching quite alot... sitting from the side with no partner) He offered to share; but I decided it was time to go have some hot-wings with my graduating class.

which was awesome fun. One of my friends got really drunk; the wings were like 5 cents and they had allready gone through 100 or so. Ended up with some shot glasses and platters covered with reduced hotsauce mush.

"Bet you a shot to shoot all that crap." and I bought him a doublejack too... wasn't nice; but whatever. Funny as hell. He saw all of the attention he was getting; loved it. By the end of the night, you could see him licking off one of the platters.

apperently he didn't feel well the next day. *laugh*

Has it been touched?

I think it was "heisenberg's uncertanty principle" that stated this the best.

*************
For those of you blissfully unaware; the uncertanty principal states that of particularely small things (like electrons) you can either know the velocity or the direction, but not both. Measuring the direction of an electron alters the velocity and measuring the velocity alters the direction.

This was best stated in my grade 9 (or so) textbook where a hypothesis questions if you put a cat into a perfectly sealed box; if it remains a cat, or only becomes a cat when you open the box again.

Your uncertain because you can't put measuring equipment in the box, it won't have the same conditions and the cat will just remain a cat.

(Like the light in your fridge... does it stay on when the fridge is closed?)
************

I was chillin with a friend last night; sorta mentioning giving someone a mind-job.

I of course said "only when you suspect someone's playing a game is that person not playing; when you don't suspect thats when they're likely to be playing"

I didn't think that made alot of sence, so I figured I would speak a little about that topic today.

The best way to adjust someone else's way of thinking / actions is by taking something thats allready there and adding a little to it or subracting from it. This way, they think its their idea. Their impulse to do what they're doing... not something you've said/done.

Yeah, its rather underhanded... but sometimes you have to do things in specific ways to get the results that follow the best natural flow. (yeah... I dunno how to say it.)

Example; Lets say a chick is seriously into me. Like really into me... won't leave me alone. Way 1) tell her "I don't want you"... this has problems. You clash with her perception of the way things are in such a way that she can easily think your lying.

Way 2) adjust her way of thinking so she wants you less. This one is the easiest... because you know what emotions she is using to connect to you. You know where it is, because its connected to you... like your arm. Where's your hand? right here... duh.

My above mentioning is due to the idea that if your monkeying with someone's mind... even if you tell them "I'm just messing with you" they shouldn't believe you. Either that; or you completely mess up what your trying to do... likely any relationship you have with that person.

Yeah... I'm not going to tell you how... only what.

Gotta put a and z together for yourself.

Happy Hunting!

And breaking again

Found out today that I actually have a few little transitions and routines that I can pull out of my pocket for a breaking show.

Guess how I found out?

The 'leaders' at our breaking class apperently forgot that they were leaders. Didn't tell anyone that we had a breaking show today at 2 and 4. Consequently, yesterday at midnight I get an email saying "Yo! come down to ***** for 12 tomorrow." (yeah, I'm strill trying to hide where I am or who I am.)

So went down. 2 oclock comes and we get setup. Still not knowing what we're doing or anything.

By we, I mean me, another very junior guy and a teacher from another class.

Our two instructors or anyone else failed to show.

We played some tunes for a few hours, breaked for a few hours (I almost blew my shoulder and elbow putting too much power into a windmill) and then chilled.

Funniest thing; there is a "crazy" girl who sometimes comes out to class. Not to learn to break, but to do a freaky rave-style dance out on the street to our tunes.

Where as no breakers came out, this girl somehow finds out and shows up. Completely oblivious to the world, ended up scaring away half our audience before we got started. (I found it mildly amusing) I was bustin out some rad foot work, was going into a spin or sometin' and she's on the stage doin her 'eyes closed waving around' thing. I think she's talking to the spirits of deceased disabled people or something. Trying to communicate in interpritive dance.

(and yeah, it only looks funny/weird because she's crazy ugly and has a very disproportinate body)

Summary: Looked like public fools on a stage infront of 20-50 people and almost got really hurt. I would call it a good day.

who would?

I was coming back from my companies bbq on a chartered bus that was arranged. Looking for my house keys (I put into my backpack for safe keeping!) and in that pocket was a half dozen (two packs of 3) throwing knives.

Seriously... and the worst part is the only thought I had was "oh! thats where those went."

On the way out, I was playing with this pack of cards that had a different knot on each card. Instructions, name and use. Showing a girl some knots... and I was like "this knot I learned while wall climbing at this ninja training camp last weekend." Just matter of fact, like she was the weird one cause she wasn't there...

She was like "WHAT!?!"

Looking back... those aren't normal things.

so I couldn't help it

I finally(!) busted out some breaking moves at the bar.

Just hit a half/half (country/pop) dance club... havin' a good time (with a few beer and a redbull) and a circle formed right in front of me... so I had to do what I could.

Funny thing was; I tried to hit two pretty big (for me) moves (the both involve being upside down on one hand...) and they both failed horribly.

*laugh*

Other than those two little points; it was totally rad. I had an awesome time (country danced with 6 very pretty ((and young)) girls); initiated a new guy into the 'wingman' consortium and had a girl show him how to 2-step.

Fun fun fun!

I forgot the feeling of moving around on the dance floor like that. (too bad they were all lesbians)

Mail!

"Liz said... Thanks for the insight. I'll definatly try to keep that in mind.On the other hand...I'm curious to know what would make some guys good listeners and easy to talk to and some who blow you off and act like your concerns are nothing compared to theirs. *grumble*"

Thanks for the question Liz;

I think this might relate to importance.

If what your talking about is important to someone; they will listen with rapt attention. If what your talking about isn't important to someone; they'll blow you off.

It could be several other things too... tone; direction; dictum (words); mood; timing.

If I just got off of work and you wished to tell me about your day in excruciating detail; I would listen for a little bit; brush you off and continue relaxing.

If you called an hour to two hours after I got off work and wanted to tell me about your day in excruciating detail; I would probably be more inclined to listen to your story.

Don't get me wrong. There are people who captivate and enliven their audience... there are others who you never want to hear speaking... it'll kill your mood.

I think thats what your facing.

A combination of our 'factors' and the presentation.

Simply enough; if someone isn't listening to you something your doing is wrong.

Wrong words, wrong tone... etc. You have to find a way to suprise them into wanting to hear what you have to say... then you win.

I don't know if this helps.

Complaining

There are times when a person tries to explain a difficulty they're having and I make them feel very small. Funny enough; there will be other times the same person (or a similar person) will explain a similar circumstance and I sympathise and try to make them feel better.

From what I understand; everything in life is perception. What we see, what we hear, what we experiance is a perception. A comparison really of what we have infront of us vs. what we've previously seen / experianced related to this issue.

Because of this, our reactions in any given circumstance will be based largely on mood (flavoring our perceptions) and what we percieve to be presented to us.

I can tell you for a fact; my reactions are based largely on my 'judgement' of the presenters intent.

I went out with this girl; she was a few years younger than me. Due to some 'occourance' and growth pattern in her life; she had never worked a job... while I was 'seeing' this girl, she started working at a local grocerie store.

After a 4 hour shift she was exhausted. Some days that was all she did was wake up and work 4 hours; getting home at whatever time... didn't want to do anything else but rest up for her next shift.

Those of us in a different world are like "come on!"... I've worked several 17 and 18 hour shifts (which sucked by the way) and a 4 hour shift to me is like a day off.

This to her is a big deal. This to me is nothing.

When we would talk on the phone (at least the first couple of times) I was completely sympathetic. Understanding; caring. She wasn't complaining to get attention; she wasn't complaining for ego or to increase her 'status' in some way. She was mearly stating fact and not really going out of her way to do it either.

On the other hand; you have people who encounter something that may be very difficult to them; but have the burning desire to tell people about it.

If someone calls me up with the intention of complaining about their 10-12 hour day or their 50-60 hour work week... I try to use an equal amount of my time to make them feel like a moron.

In essence; they are going out of their way to say "guess what I can do!"

This serves two purposes. This feeds the Ego. And this is an attempt at assigning value to an experiance. In essence by complaining (or bragging really) in this manner; the complainer is trying to make an experiance they face more imporant than an experiance their listener has faced... to take from them.

I know I'm very over simplifying a very complex situation; but try to think like this the next time you see someone being ignored. Don't look at what is happening, but why its happening.

I'm not sure thats co-herent, but my thought process was interrupted during the creation of this posting.

Emotions

To tell the truth, I don't think guys should express their emotions.

Because of the standard male battle for dominance; I think male emotions are substantially different than female emotions.

We both hate, we both love... but when a man hates... and when a woman hates... different words should be used to describe the feelings.

Not that any are less powerfull; only that society as a whole is used to and tempered by female descriptors and emotions.

Having a man express what he truely feels about any given subject; while being truthfull, would be 'shocking'. Not in the "I can't believe that man has feelings" sence. But in the "I can't believe he feels that strongly." or "I can't believe he feels so... bestial."

Women use... words to describe things. You don't have your primary color... you have a multitude of shades. You have things like fushia and dark fushia. Men developed the primary colors... and they keep making up new ones. Like RGB for televisions or the Cyan Magenta and Yellow for electronics.

Back to emotions; Men feel Hate... but to varying degrees. There's "light hate" if you would and "serious hate." And so on. I'm sure if you asked any man how he was feeling at any given time of any given day he would use a set of three words. Something positive, something negative and something adequate.

A woman on the other hand classifies. Describes and categorizes.

Women get "Mellow" and "Dis-gruntled." Men are "good" or "un-happy."

So... men could express emotions... just maybe to other men. While women; when you tell a man how you feel and he gets that bewildered look on his face - try breaking it down into simpler terms... but varying degrees of those terms. Perhaps the communication would increase exponentially.

run to the hills

Stability in a person is only as certain as his/her surroundings.

I've been amazingly stable for a very long time... but a person has remembered something that happened while I was in a very compromised position and continues to bring it up.

Its strange; because I didn't show signs of a temper before reminded I had one. And now that its a continuous input... I'm showing serious signs of a temper.

Mastery of one's self and one's surroundings are just that much more important when negative influences appear.

I had a little blast of anger tonight. Not a controlled "I'm going to allow myself to feel this" bue an actual "SMASH!" feeling rip through me. Only for a milliseccond... but that is not who I am. I've been feeling it build for weeks now.

Its interesting to step back and really see exactly what is happening.

And the real catch. I know in my soul what is happening. But my mind guesses and seccond guesses.

I can't just find the problem, solve the problem and move on. I have to analyse every symptom after I know what the problem is and make sure my 'law' fits all the coresponding criteria.

catch phrases

"Anonymous said...
You don't bite the hand that helps feed you."

this comment was made to one of my later entries titled "Today is like yesterday... just later"

while I really appreciate the feedback on my words... I would really like them to actually make sence.

Who is feeding who? Are you familiar with the feeding situation? I'm under the impression that this 'relationship' I have with my roomate is mutually benificial. Thus there is no feeding but a sharing.

If I got mad enough (like in my last roomate situation) I could leave within a half day.

If he got mad enough at me, he could kick me out and I would be perfectly fine. I have many places to go; many options... just none as convienient as this one.

So thank you Anonymous; but unfortunately your canned response doesn't really apply to this situation.

Its really funny; because in the past a person under the Anonymous handle has made similar dumb ass comments that clearly miss the mark of the story or the moral being shown; the example being given.

I'm not sure if its a person not understanding me; or if its a person not understanding the catch phrase they're using but either way; there is something being missed.

Just thought I should let you know.

Capt'n

Nick names

So... I've got two bboy names... the newest one was given to me today... because I accidently put my foot into the wall at this one stuido.

They call me the 'destroya'.

*laugh*

Better than the "idiot"...

Today is like yesterday... just later

Was at a hottub party last night. It was pretty damn fun.

Even though there wern't many people there, it was half girls/guys... and the available girls were pretty fun and awesome.

I left my bike there. Not because I drank too much (I don't drink... remember?) but it was a half our out of edmonton, with some gravel in suprising places. I didn't feel coumfortable being out on the freshly slicked up roads like that.

Got home and I noticed a few things. Mainly; that there was a bicycle right inside the front door... that all of the pots of soil were turned over on our padio; that the house turned from 'immaculate' to reasonably messy in under 12 hours... hmmm.

Not to mention in the morning; I got the "what are you a chick? I can't believe you left your bike at your friends house." speach.

Needless to say, I'm less than impressed.

Just got back from grabbing my bike... had some good breaking classes. Good supper; good company.

I would say I'm sitting on the fence about today. Yesterday was awesome; Today... the residual feeling of wanting to strangle the "are you a chick?" out of my roomate is flavoring everything I see into mediochrity.

--------------

Revision

Speaking of which... rented precienct 13... watching it... roomate was being a pain in the ass.

I paused the moovie and told him I was upset. That he had hurt my feelings by calling me a chick this morning and that I wanted to discuss this like men. Either that, or (also like men) we were to go outside, have a good fight and settle the differences. Come back inside and be sociable again.

He appologised.

Said that he was kidding that he didn't mean to upset me by his words.

I smiled and accepted.

Didn't expect that to happen.*laugh*

The secret to NAIT

According to me (and only me) here is my secret to Graduating one of the most difficult courses at NAIT. (or how I did it anyways)

First off, I graduated Computer Engineering Technology. Not the toughest course, by any streatch... but it did place number 6 when I was in the middle of it.

The first semester was the weed out semester. Classes were sorta demanding, alot of homework... It just really killed the idiots and the people without "logical thought processes".

Computers are easy... you just have to understand the rules.

I guess like parachuting. Gravity takes you down. We don't want to go down so fast. Parachutes resist gravity.

Those rules are really all that apply. Everything is based on that and with logical thought; you can figure anything you need from those rules.

So... first semester past... it got substantially more difficult. The classes got smaller (lost 1/3 from first semester) the homework got more demanding and the learning curve increased by a factor of 2.

Not so bad.

Third semester (second year, first semester) was a little more... hectic.

There was an exponential increase in difficulty, an exponential decrease in class size.

Fourth semester... that was less difficult than third, but the homework was more.

For the final programming project; I ended up putting in at least 1 all nighter a week. Never mind everything else.

When you close your eyes and see computer workings. When you blink and see the last output on a computer screen. When you eat, you pull out your last subroutine and walk through it more than 20 times; thats when you know you are exceeding a limit of some sort.

just over 100 people entered Computer Engineering Technology.

Just under 20 people graduated in the two years we're expected.

How did I do it?

Pool.

Very simple. It was an active meditation.

Every hour of class, I at least played a game of pool.

Every game, I would see the confusion in my mind become the balls on the table (after the break).

Every game, evey ball that was sunk, I would visualize some piece of information being put away into its place.

Taking the complex and making it simple.

Taking chaos and making order.

After that, I would sit down to program, and for the next chunk; I could just pour code. Working code none the less.

And the teachers were supportive of my strange routines and rituals.

Thursdays were pie days. I would return from lunch with a full pie (I love cullinary arts class)... and plates for whomever wanted them. At least a half pie would go into my belly... listening to the prof while cutting and eating.

(I always sat front center too... right under that "no food or drink allowed in lab" sign.)

A little behind

Good news!

I accomplished half of a 5 year goal. Last night, for the first time, I did an assisted backflip.

It was so fun!

Like a brave fool, I jump right in. A class full of ninja's and only two of us wanted to attempt it.

wusses.

Never mind that, I even did one full revolution of a windmill (breakdancing).

Very exciting.

I have alot to talk about, but I havn't felt like sharing it with anyone (never mind the world) .

Everything is well, no injuries to myself yet.

Other than that, business as usuall.