The future

So; got a new job.

And its going to be drastically different from what I'm currently doing.

Right now I'm an IT guy. I work 37.5 hours a week, with friday afternoons off. I have full benifits, a very cushy job and whatever pace I set for myself.

I'm sometimes out of town, but I get enough time off to have a very successfull relationship and friendships.

In two weeks, I'll be a MWD hand for the oil field. I'll be working upwards of 300 days a year and never in town. I know right now that I won't be in town for my birthday, I probably will miss christmas; the work pace will be drastically different... that whole "hurry up and wait" mentality. Working into the night one day, sitting around for the next 5 or so then busting my ass again. Until the next job (which should be immediatly after I finish the last).

a little different to say the least.

But yeah.

"you must be ready at any moment to leave behind who you were for who you can be"

taken literally I guess.

On the lighter side, every reference I put down got a call... and they all gave me an exceptional review. Both said that if I was wanting work; I would have an offer from them within the day.

Needless to say, thats spectacular.

Good by

I quit my job yesterday.

Was offered a job in a different field and I accepted... so I walked into my boss' office last night and handed him my resignation.

The 'impact' of this didn't really hit until I told one of my better working-friends in accounting. (cause she needs to know about things like this) She started crying.

I never knew.

A person like me doesn't become things; a person like me makes things become them. And my office is a reflection of me. The 3-4 people I've spoken with of me being out of town, essentially not being... "here" have all had dramatic emotional reactions (except for my girl... she's still being strong) with the singular thought of "how things are going to be different now that he's gone"

Its touching.

Especially for a guy like me... I usually live in a very isolated world... and doing that doesn't allow me to see what impact I have on everything around me.

Thank you... friends and family (if you read this) your emotion is hitting me in a very personal way. I'm going to use this for whats coming.

Tim Hortons Camp

Last weekend... Timmies Camp.

And it was good.

Showed up with my backpack full of goodies. Some suprises I can setup in a hurry incase this is a "get the ninja to the mountains and beat the hell out of him" type of thing. Some other treats I can use if needed to be a supervisor for whatever reason.

(things include several ultra-sharp knives, some tripline etc. trail tape, first aid kit full of goodies... etc. not to mention pretty much everything i would need to survive in the mountains for a few days if I was hiding from a band of hunters)

First off... I discovered a few things to add to my E&E kit (Escape and Evasion) which were needed in basic living. But forgetting that; it was a wonderfully pleasant weekend.

We went paddleboating, for a hike along a white water river; Had amazing food (lasagna, pizza, chicken burgers... to name a few) and at the end was scheduled a talent show. Just so we can share vulnerabilities I guess.

I did a ninjutsu demonstration... throwing around some volunteers like ragdolls for a half hour. Was very well received.

In the mornings we smudged, had a first nation round dance with a very renouned singer to provide the motivation.

It was a massivly spiritual experiance; not only did I have fun but I managed to save a life as well.

It was nothing... like really, nothing. I just pulled a lady from a lake. But apperently, it ment a large deal to her. I was touched... soo many people said Thank You. So many people were nice.

Once again, I feel human.

(not to mention some of the stuff I brought was put to good use by the other councelors).

Oh yeah! The kids all treated me as a Supervisor. Funny because I was ardently denying it the whole time... but I ended up coaching, approving and offering advice... so I guess I was a councelor in all sence of the word.

I love being me.

The bar tonight

Was chillin with my girl today; had to call a friend to arrange something for the future.

Connected and he was like "Its my birthday". After spending some day, all night and all day with my girl I was like TIRED. Not tired but that "I just wanna chill out in my room, turn the ceiling fan up, have some chilled distilled water and read until tomorrow... forgetting who I am and where I am; just being.

Translation - go out to the bar to buy my friend a drink.

So I hit this pub/club. Got some decent top 40 playing... but some nice girls dancing to it.

I gotta say, with my heart outside my chest, I just don't have the energy to pursue girls. Just chillin out and dancing is really my cup of tea right now...

So thats what I did. My backup left me and I was sorta in the corner of this dance floor. Hittin' some pop / break toprock style. Just relaxing. Out of the blue, 5 pretty girls sorta appear, come on over and start dancing in my area. I was like... whatever, sorta turned and danced away. Doing my own thing. Watching these guys try to pickup the girls. All got shot down very effectively. I was just dancing. This tall one kept trying to dance into me; like a grinding motion. *smile* no contact. I avoided all contact. was playing the "how did I not touch him?" game. all but 2 leave, I'm just dancing. Feeling part of the group but not really caring. The two girls were grinding or something together, one grabs the other's top and sorta pulls it down.

funny enough, it was all for me. No one else was around, (well... immediate area). I'm just dancing. And truth be told, I only saw exposed shoulders; call me oblivious to all else... and I didn't really care either. The one was mildly embarrased (well.. more than mildly) turns and was like "uh. hi. My name is alkffh*cj" (yeah, I think it started with a C or something... but I really don't know) I introduced myself. Said she had nice shoulders; sorta danced a way a bit... just chilling by myself with a croud.

Her friends come up; dance a little. Judging by the story that was shared with them, we had almost full brest exposure.

full moon tonight.

So the girls are sorta tired or something, they stop dancing and leave. As I'm by myself now, this fat ugly girl's dancing with the music totally makes eyes at me. not like "hello!" eyes but "excuse me, can I have a horsey ride?" eyes. I ignored, waited for her to turn her head and dissapeared before she turned back.

--------

So its my friends birthday... as he's horrid trying to pick up girls... and VERY drunk, he's just walking around saying "its my birthday!" to people, introducing himself and moving on.

idiot. I told him to use the famous "would you like to dance?" line... thats always a grabber. Which apperently he doesn't do - dance.

So we're sitting down at our little table village; Guy comes back says "I think its time to go." I was like "whats up?" Which he responded "that girl just said 'if it was't his birthday, I would kick him in the balls'"

*smile*

So... I did a walk around, grabbed my jacket and helmet; went outside. Came to the realisation that just as there is a mass of people trying to get in the bar, that the dance floor is hoppin and alot of fun is to be had; the happy b-day party wants to leave.

So instead of hitting the next bar, I was like "fuck" and went home. 12:00 and here I am.

Exciting!

Needless to say, its been a very exciting day.

First off, at safeway, they had some sort of "free cake" thing... where you get a free piece of cake (free cake is the best type!) then I find out that something I was concerned about with the other office is all fine and good, undercontrol and I'm not going to be in a whole lot of trouble for something not my fault (YES!).

Then I get a call from somone in admin of the breakdancing place I'm with. They're like "how would you like to go to Tim Horton's Camp?" I was like... uh... do you know how old I am?

But after we got through some of those discussions... I got my name down to go white water rafting and horse back riding and everything else. YES!

It might be a touch cold (as its like 8 degrees now... but I'm anticipating a temperature shift pretty soon... so all should be well) the real catch, is we get to stay in cabins and have all that type of stuff taken care of. I think food is covered; so all thats required is a sleeping bag and some minor equipment... off to the races. a weekend of amazing fun. ( I hope)

Well... regardless, it'll be an adventure.

crystals

I've been reading more fantasy books (as usual) as I still average 1-2 books a week. Yeah, I need some more shelf space; but I guess that takes a seccond seat until this one is absolutely crammed full.

So crystals. This one book I'm reading talks about corner-stones. That you can fill an object with power for its use later. Which I guess is like crystal and crystal energy.

I've always wondered how precious metals and gems are just supposed to magically "heal" your pains and suffering but I think I sorta have an idea.

First off, I've always found it easier to heal others than to heal myself. Ever since I was small I had the ability to react very well under crisis and put the pieces where they need to go.

I remember the first girl I dumped (and what a dumping it was!) she was so far gone inside her head, as she was throwing her tantrum there was nothing of her in this world. Looking her in the eyes and literally pulling her back to reality was a very simple thing. And I've done that for many people. When they get hurt, when they hurt others; more or less hypnotising them with my voice and my eyes; pulling them into this world or closing their wounds.

But when I get cut, I can only seem to speed up the process of healing. I really never visibly bruise (or if I bruise, its gone after 10 minutes) and a cut to the bone on hands / legs are usually 80% healed inside a week. (like last monday when I was playing with my new knife. Stupid!) I think thats fast... anyways.

So thinking about crystals...

In the electronics world, is something called a UPS (uninterruptable power supply). The high quality ones, you plug in; that power charges a battery and that battery supplies its outlets. This way, your power is always filtered clean and if you have a power outage or shortage, the battery supplies the loss without any switching time over to a new source.

Well... crystals are sorta like that. (I think - this is all my intuition speaking) I sorta figure that a person holding a crystal on them; the crystal takes their natural energetic field and charges itself. (or you can force charge it) then once its reached a specific level, can return "its" energy back to the holder. Almost like an external source.

So to heal yourself, your not using your contaminated energy. An outside battery to supply the voltage to fix what ails you.

(not to mention acts like a battery, so you could drain several crystals and other rocks to provide a greater source for larger workings)

Just thoughts.

Mail!

From my last post, monachus comments:

"and it's not just because it's privileged information. it's because the masses won't understand it. they can't frame it into the appropriate context."

You know, there are many people throughout history who went through similar circumstances, an experiance, added to the past experiances created a specific direction in life.

Every step along the way was the rational culmination of his/her past. The only real catch, is that in the end we see the acts performed and judge a sinner or saint.

I guess thats the catch. When I came home from the last Tactical course I took... I was in a very... "altered" state of mind. I was sitting at the dinner table with my roomate and we were discussing how different I was after vs. before. I looked him in the eye and said; "I can now throw this spoon and pierce the chair your sitting in with it." We laughed... because if anyone else at any other time had said a similar comment, he would be called crazy. But because of what I had just gone through, that was a normal rational thought.

So I dunno. I understand (and wholly agree with) everything you commented; and really appreciate the comment. I sorta hope you go through some of what else I have to say throughout my blog; and make similar statements...

"it's better to leave them sleeping." except for this. My agreement is a little lower on this one...

I dunno... there was one guy that was out there only because of some of my comments from the last course. I honestly think he's a better person now because I was so vocal... perhaps I can touch a few more.

As a matter of fact... there was a gentlemen I was partnered with out there who said his purpose was to learn so he could share. And I understand.

I was asked by a potential girlfriend a while ago if I did any community service.

I said that I sometimes teach martial arts. That some people go out and help the "less fortunate" around them. Volunteering in soup kitchens, speaking on the distress phone lines and so on. That I find I can have more impact helping those I see and I understand. That the path we choose as warriors can be such a lonely and difficult path; helping one man through 1 hour of his life may impact more people... through those he can help and so on. That by people choosing to train with me in the form that we train; they trust me for guidance and understanding; not with something mundane but spiritual. Where a single wrong word can have impact throuout one person's entire life.

" you know what you experienced, and you are the echo of its value."

And this is just powerfull.

Thank you;
Capt'n

TAS - Day 1

So... I got into my descriptions of what I did... all the exciting facts and stories...

But I really don't want to share too much. Alot of it is ultra private and most of it is 'priveladged' information that you really need to take the course to learn. Here are the overviews and some 'special' snapshots of what I went through. (all in the name of personal development) .... oh yeah, and a pushup/situp/crunches tally for those who care.

Day 1 -
To get us warmed up for the week, simple 20 pushups (2x10), 60 situps (3x20), 60 crunches and some misc excercises and a 24 minute - 2 mile jog.

Activities -
Canoeing, archery, beginning knife throwing, misc lectures and first body relaxation excercises (ie. meditation)

Day 2 -
Well... after the cherry was popped yesterday with some lite PT (personal training); time for us to keep it lite but... happy.

150 pushups (pyramid up to 25 and back down again with other excercises inside)
75 crunches and 75 situps.

Activities -
My favorite -- the blind folded "find the mess hall" game. First off... people don't walk straight. No matter what you say or think, unless trained specifically; you will never walk straight. We focus on a goal and walk towards it... thats it. So I was blindfolded for an hour or so and had to move 50 meters to find the door to a wonderous food-containing building; I just didn't do it.

Found another 3 buildings and a firepit, but not the building in question. (Crap!)

General takedowns (center of balance and from behind) and how to break a man's neck. (got my neck popped pretty good from that one. A chiropractor would charge money for that... I got it for free!)

Some knife template work; a small knife throwing competition.
Crawling and advanced 'stalking' (sneaking) ending with a practice 'drum stalk'.

Let me tell you about a drum stalk.

Its like "marco pollo" but with a drum and bushes. (you put a blindfold on and try to 'sneak' up on the guy hitting it every 10 secconds. Its totally amazing... after a while, you can see with the sound and feel whats around you.)

So we get to the evening; time to do the 'real' drum stalk. The last time I did this, there were a few guys going 'minimalist' on this... as in less clothes = more fun. So I got into the spirit (pressured alot of other guys to get into the spirit as well) and decided to jump into the forrest in my underwear. Thats it. +8 outside, slightly raining and 10 guys are blindfolded in a forrest trying to find a drum. *laugh* Well... the instructor decided to change the location to be in the middle of a clearing... surrounded by rose bushes. Actually; there were lots of roses throughout the forrest. What a wonderous feeling.

I was cold, I was in pain, kept loosing my balance and I was cold. The frustration set in; soon to be followed by fear. And nothing makes a man afraid like Vulnerability.

But I pressed on... and fought myself every step of the way. you learn something when that happens... and that one night made the course worth it. It wasn't fun then, wasn't really even fun thinking about it for a few days... but right now I see soo much benefit from that... if you ever get the chance; jump on board.

Find your animal and trampse through the bush. (try to wear a shirt though... it might make it a little more fun)

Day 3 -

Started with a nice Chakra meditation. (we were up late the night before... don't want to push things too hard)

Did some left handed knife work (blah!) and some partner knife throwing stuff.

Partner Blindfold work (where you get somewhere with a partner in tow, switch and go somewhere else... both blindfolded for the duration of the excercise)

and a very nice little whip demonstration. (the bull whip is frickin amazing! I've never heard a snap like that in my life... just the power to be able to do such a thing! So of course we all tried, and half the class could do it by the end of the week too.)

Did a 'primal self' meditation... getting to know your animal then talked about different perspectives from different people on the same thing not necessarily being wrong.

and then YEAH!!! PT!

12 sets of 10 pushups, 50 situps, 100 crunches and then you hear "everybody strip down! we're going into the lake!"

and we swam a half kilometer or so... I describe in in my journal thusly -
"Big fucking cold swim, crawl onto the slimy ass beach; wade through cattails and nettles. walk back"

some more lecture (about the Power of Now!) and a closing Chakra meditation.

anyways... thats the first 3 days... we did alot more (a heack of alot more) but I'm not feeling very descriptive or artistic tonight. *smile*

Lemmie do a quick tally - Ran 4 Miles, swam a half kilo, 290 pushups, 185 situps, 235 crunches for our first 3 "lite" days. *laugh* I should have been in better shape walking into this. No force; just do your best... but still... crap.

Vacation in Review

For my vacation, I took Mike Jaco's "Tactical Awareness" 1 week course... (as listed on www.tacticalawareness.com)

Over the next few days, from my pages upon pages of notes; I'll try to capture the magic of what was learned and accomplished.

This weekend, I'm shooting out of town for a weekend seminar in ninjutsu; getting this all down may take a while but we'll see what I can do.

The Catch

So I started this blog to be a ... journal. Something I could look back on from the future and say "this is what I've done"... but the more I write and the more I see others write, the less I want to write.

Like my memories are somehow sacred. That I don't even want to share them with myself lest they loose that air about them. That if you touch a butterfly it cant fly any more making it just butter... (and butter is bad for you...) and yeah.

Working through that.

I just got back (like a few days ago) from Ninja Camp. (well... not really, but thats what I call it in my mind) and we really spent alot of time learning to be Now. which makes me not want to really want to reflect on things in detail. To experiance and let it pass through me so I'm open and ready for my next experiance.

This mode of thinking... while greatly increasing my memory and abilities, sorta limits my "writing motivation".

Because if I'm writing for myself and I suddenly don't want to reflect on what I've done... then I don't really need to write anymore.

.

But my fans are waiting for a performance and the show must go on.
---


So during this ninja camp, I had spent alot of time with some very religious people. Funny that among the most deadly, you should find the people speaking the loudest for God and his ideals.

I came home with hymn's in my brain, singing them when not paying attention, saying prayers when I don't actively catch myself and thanking the Lord for things when they turn out.

Isn't this the pot painting the kettle black. Like seriously. I'm not this person.

After a few days of this, it appears to have mostly gone away... (thank God!) and my sense of identity returned to its normal place.

---------

I found myself having a brief snack before buying shoes today. Wondering about my place in the scheme of things.

That a really good friend of myne always says "it would just be so easy to have a piece of eyecandy, but my girl is real quality... she just doesn't look all that good" or something along those lines.

So I sat back and was like "how good do I have it?" and for once, I could not find a girl selected from the random populous (known as a food court) that I find more attractive from my brief glance than what I have in my life.

Yeah, I'm one of those guys that totally stereotypes the first few layers of self when he browses... and I really have a hard time finding girls that are compatable... but still... of 100 girls, myne won

Yeah me! (yeah, and I don't think she reads this... so no brownie points by saying so)