Understanding

Ms. Poshlust said...
I wear pointy shoes.
Consider me the best exception you'll ever know.

Stella P.


Well crap.

2 pointy shoes girls.

Ms. Poshlust is the exception though, its true.

Thinking back to the latest and last pointy shoes' and all I can feel is her anger.
And maybe thats why I have an aversion? The fear of being hurt by emotion attached to someone else.

Which is funny. Because during the event, I know I never felt that.

Remembering more than I felt in the moment.

Which is maybe why I'm doing this excercise.

Thank you Stella. For the gift.

Changing ones life

The worst thing we can do is stay the same.

Maybe what seperates us from animals is the ability to change our routines... our patterns.

The silver fox that I see every few days... is an animal of habit.

It has to hunt in the mornings, kill and eat. Forage, kill eat... survive.

If it doesn't; it dies... it has no choice.

But us... we have professions. We start with our blank slate, create skills.... and do something.

And if we don't like it... we change. Doing something else.

I could be a farmer, a musician... a computer tech or work out in the oil field.

Every kid from forever has been told the average adult works 13 different careers in his life.

Has anyone ever wondered why?

To survive; I could be fat or skinney; tall or short.

It doesn't matter.

Alot of people would look at this and say (as I've said in the past) that this takes away the edge we share with every species... the whole reduction of its weakest links.

But this could give us the ultimate advantage; turning all but our very weakest... 99% or so of our species into productive members.

So... no wonder we get bored with what we're doing... because we can do anything, there aren't any clues to tell us if we're doing what we were ment to.

Pointy shoes

Ok...

Before I start...

I've been reading some books on bettering yourself (well... they're not at all about that, but its how I choose to view and represent it). One of the excercises involves writing down the name of every person you've ever met, ordered by year.

Then going back in time from present and remembering every moment of every interaction you've ever had with each person.

Its not... an instant process... I guess it'll likely take more than a year to start/complete.

So have been sorta playing with that thought; going through some memory garbage I don't need to hold onto.

I remember dancing; and seeing pointy shoes.

I know I've said this before; but I'll be damned if I date another (I've only dated one) girl who wears crazy pointy shoes.

*smile*

My thought for the night.

Empathy and Sympathy

We're all looking for someone to understand us.

I'd almost say that we judge the world not in terms of "right and wrong" but "alike and dissimilar"

Walking with my lead hand back from supper; I was in a bit of a thinker mood. Talking about reasons for being out in the mountains.

That I feel closer akin to the guys I find out here than anyone I meet in the city. Really for reasons unexplainable.

I told him that I'm not out here for the money; (even though its amazing!) that I'm out here to strip the city out of me and see what I have left.

And every time i would uncover another truth; he would reply "yeah, but the money is pretty good" or "yeah, but without the money you wouldn't want to be here..."

I think all things considered equal; the money is nice, but the conditions are why I'm here. The money is just what others understand as my reasoning.

And it was just something he couldn't come to terms with.

-----

So we were discussing me... he said that usually we're speaking the same language but some times I'm on a completely different planet.

Which lead to the idea that we find normal and acceptable those who share things we do.

I like to work, I like to experiance things. I like to discover truths about myself and the world. I often don't take things for fact but push and pull; discovering every moment of every day.

And not alot of people can identify with that. Why some things I say just stun and astound; and others make you say "What The FUCK!?!"

----

Somthing else that really pleases me... the more I discover about myself; the more often friends ask me for advice.

It makes me feel really good; being able to help those I care about. Even if I say 1 thing out of an hour of discussing that makes a person think; it pleases me.

That moment when a person sits back and needs 5 minutes to allow some new piece of information to filter through their mind... its a form of recognition that I don't find anywhere else.

So not necessarily writing this to pat myself on the back; but writing this as a shout out. To all those who ask me questions; Thank You. It makes me feel important and needed; I really appreciate that.

Capt'n

Hamburgers

I love eating hamburgers; all sorts of hamburgers from many different restraunts and fast food places (not to mention home made burgers... mmmn!)

And all I can think of right now; is how rewarding it is... to be eating a McDonalds cheeseburger ... enjoying its normality; when you finally find that one pickle...

This morning's photo!

Who do we have here?

Our little Silver Fox friend coming to check out what smells so good from the B-B-Q.

When not threatened; he looks so cute; like you could train him and play fetch!

Bobsledding

In response to comments from the previous blog;

Budgie;
I'm not in NWT anymore; sitting on the north tip of the Canadian Rockies. I swear it never stops snowing up here. Today it was +5 during the day; last night it stormed and snowed a foot; this evening the shack I'm in is almost shaking with the wind... when I went outside to pee (i love peeing outside!) the snow was up to the top of my boots. (so knee deep)

Beefer;
I have my videocamera out here; but never seem to find the time to use it on anything. *smile* which is funny because my job's main task is sitting around doing nothing.

It is Amazing! up here though. Sometime closer to spring, I'm going to drive down 10 km's to a waterfall trail I found today driving back from town.

Speaking about which; I went bobsledding this morning.

How? In a 3/4tonne 4x4 pickup down a 10km mountain road.

I did a breaks test early on; discovered that there is no chance of stopping; never mind backing up or turning around and getting back to safety. Oops!

Let me describe it for you. A very steep inclined twisty road which has just been covered with 6 inches of wet snow. The snow was the perfect type for snowballs etc; unfortunately, its also the type which leaves a layer of water underneeth after it gets scooped up.

So above the ice/gravel was near freezing water.

I'm rolling down at 40km/h and figure to do a breaks check as a sharp turn is coming up.

Touch the breaks and my truck turns sideways.

The only way to navigate a road such as this is to break as hard as you can while straight; then gas through every corner; to pull your vehicle... hoping there's ample room to slow down before having to gas again.

What fun!

Absolutely Amazing!

Every few mornings I'll post up a photo or so for your enjoyment.

To start the ball rolling... this is what I saw this morning out my shack window.

Ego

Sorry for not posting more often.

I've been working on a slight ego issue.

Waking up, hearing people talk... thinking "it must be about me!" and laying there perfectly still for an hour catching only 1 in 3 words...

EGO!

So I'm trying to return to my power. Attempting to find the me that I've been and love again.

-----

Last night; was -20 or so degrees outside; standing on the top of my mountain and all you could see was this ever-present fog.

Its nice; in a strange way. This world I still find so alien to be almost cut up into a small piece so I could take it a little bit at a time.

Everything is going well out here. The food is good; the company is good. Slowly as I begin to respect myself; others respect me more.

I think this might be what being happy feels like.