Christmas

Christmas went well this year... actually; I'd say very well.

I volunteered to work for someone else; so he could see the wife and family.

I got to drive into town to see the extended family for an hour or so... that was pretty nice. A little messed up.

They all stood around and watched me eat for the hour I was there. It was just a little too much attention. Everyone talking with me; 8 conversations going on at once; and I was a part of every one of them.

I got back into the truck, turned to my trainee (the chaufer for the evening) and I was like "I feel strange man..."

it was sorta cool; but in a different sort of way. Just soo much; thoughts/emotions/feelings flooding into my oh so sensitive brain.

messed me right up.

But it caused me to learn a thing or two. About myself and my life.

My path.

And I looked into the mirror this morning; and was like "I'm me". and smiled.

I love being happy.

Friends and impressions

Its strange; when you connect with someone; how they think of you becomes your reality.

Let me try to explain this a little better.

There's this little cutie I have a little bit of feeling for. I've created this connection between us and now; whenever I feel that link; I turn into another person.

Its the strangest feeling; the strangest thing. Somehow I turn into a relationship-idiot.

I know what to say around women. I know how to look, how to act, how to speak. But I feel forced to say things; to do things.

You know the movie Hitch (with Willie Smith?)... do you remember when Will got snubbed by that sorta cute girl?

He was all possessive and obsessive, saying all the wrong things at the wrong time. Made her feel just... suffocated.

Thats me! That is soo me. I can't believe some of the stuff that happens, some of the things that come out of my mouth; some of the things that I email out. I feel like someone who'se had a stroke.

Sitting in this busted ass body/mind - able to write books of eloquence, poetry about what I see and hear... and when i attempt to verbalise it; all I can do is repeat one word over and over again cause I just had a friggain stroke and I'm all busted. and busted sucks. Let me tell you that.

Like seriously.

Traps

the simplest way of disarming an emotional trap is to name it.

Verbalise it, communicate it.

Through that, the trap looses its power over you.

Dreams

So I've been having very active vivid dreams over the last few nights.

I havn't really bothered to remember what they were about (though when I woke up, I had a full memory but let it go)... as its not really relevant to anything. Just that when I wake up; I feel like I've been wrestling with animals or something.

Completely out of it and exhausted.

Anyone else out there feeling the same thing?

Feeling

I hate this feeling; that someone is trying to contact me but isn't picking up the phone.

Every time I try to track down who it is; I always guess wrong. Makes my friends think I edge towards crazy.

Healing

Its strange.

So very strange that my perception should shift and that I wouldn't notice it.

One of the directional hands out here asked me to crack his back for him. One of the guys suggested I should walk on it... the man I was to crack out weighs me by a good 40 lbs and is built like a brick shit house; my ability to pick him up and shake his spine into place is severely limited by how co-operative his straps feel like being.

I got him to lay on the floor as I gently placed my feet where I 'felt' they should go.

Sure as shit; I could... feel... something more than I should be able to feel. Just by looking at a back (fully clothed and with a sweater on) I could tell exactly what the musculature was doing and how the bones were out of alignment because of it.

Being ultra gentle (idiots who do this injure others) and with a few soft motions got 2-3 impossible cracks out of his spine and an amazing sigh of happiness. No jumping up and down; just carefull manipulation of his muscles and a little nudge to his bones.

My trainee wanted some back therapy as well... I just looked at him and told him that I'm not stepping on his back. That he needed some constructive stretching and that would do alot better work than I could. So we ran through some excercises and even though he protested that all was well; I could feel exactly what was going through his body.

*smile*

Do I know if it worked or not?

Yes; actually. The directional hand came back to me for more the next night; my trainee is contentidly sleeping off his tension and should be in ship shape when he wakes up.

Things a little off kilter

The old and ornery directional driller out here received a package from a friend this morning. The box was labeled "here are some gloves for christmas" (we're constantly using and disposing of gloves, after a while they become quite the hot comodity.) Inside the box were a dozen or so pink and purple fluffy womens mittens.

His trainee; someone who'se been drilling for years; brought a movie for me to watch, about people which live underground. He said 'who knows, maybe there are people under ground.' In all seriousness.

I dunno exactly whats going on; but I've felt some strange influence over the last few days from something external. I think these boys are my canaries.