Out of the clutches of Circumstance;

So here I sit; in the middle of no where, in a fairly dangerous job; working in the -30+ cold... living how man was not ment to live.

And I can't help but smile.

Tonight, for the first time in a while I experiance a moment of perfection.

That here I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Being where I should be at the time I should be here.

Rebuttle!

Anonymous said...
Basically what I meant is that you claim that expecting positivity in return to how you interact with others is being selfish. But if most acts are selfish then it follows that you are not being selfish, relatively speaking here. Think of things as relative. Relative to experience, perspective, person, etc. Nothing is black and white, or rather most things are one and the same. Do you follow?

I Gotcha!

I guess I just don't see things like that.

If a coin flips heads 1000 times; you still have a 50/50 chance (with all things being random) that it'll flip heads again. Not that it'll practically be a sure thing either way. It was and still is random.

How does this apply to "selfish"? Well; if i'm doing something that isn't harmfull; sure its less selfish than other people doing other acts; relatively speeking. "Less selfish" doesn't become "selfless". Thats like comparing numbers around 50 and 100; saying that 1 is practically a negative number because in comparison its far less.

*smile*

I don't ask to be right; just that you consider this perspective is all.

Anonymous said...

Ok... First off; thanks anonymous for two things. After reading through your comment a few times, I finally went back to my post to find where I used "selfish" so I could look at it with fresh perspective. I noticed that my use of that horrid word was way at the bottom. I really appreciate that you read through the entire posting before commenting.

Secondly; you caught me! The entire post, I avoided comparitave words that use human feeling as their base. Which is right where selfish falls. (and why I smiled after using it.) -- positive / negative are great, because they're opposites. True selfish is opposite selfless, but even then their definitions aren't true opposites just positions adverse to eachother. (yeah, I know that doesn't make sence... I'll try to use an example below.)

So yeah; I made my own selfish definition; talked to a college who went off into left field with the "who cares what others think of you? just be yourself." statement... so I finally shot off into www.m-w.com/dictionary/selfish the dictionary and here's what we get.

"arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others"
My definition being: Selfish is any action performed regardless of its consequence for others.

I am being selfish in saying I want people to be positive to me. Some people are naturally negative; hell, some people I've really pissed off (and there are quite a few!) Who am I expecting them to be positive to me? Saying that I may not deal with them unless they treat me with respect. *smile* Clear to me; selfish this is.

Here's what I said...
Why is it bad in my opinion? Not because they hurt others and themselves; but because in the future I'll have to deal with someone that these "negetive" people have turned. And those people will take from me. (yeah, I'm selfish. so what? *smile*) And it will take more positivity from me to make them give back. (which is often not worth my time)Thoughts? Am I just full of crap?

And Anonymous' reply...

Anonymous said...
You cannot say that by "wanting something" from another person is necessarily being selfish. I'm not saying that it cant be, because it can. It depends what you want. People would not interact with others if they didn't want something out of ythe whole thing. Now this something could be love, companionship, sharing, etc. All these things are positive, but we want it from another peroson. Is this then selfishness? I mean it si essentially personal gain. Everything we do is, even so called "selfless acts" are personal gain. So why not try and be positive. Its not worse than being a negative person bringing people down.

So after all that is done with; I'm confused on your last few sentances. Could you shoot me another comment and maybe explain a little more on this one please?

Me, Myself & I... & i

Something to look for.

People when feeling strong will always capatilize the first letter in their name. Will always capatilize I.

I know I can tell the mood of my writing always by looking at how I represent myself. If I get a capital or not; what grammer I use around my name or references to me.

Watch other people's personal writing... tell me if I'm wrong.

Further - emotions and everyday life

Beefdrop Commented:

"Its easier to be neutral than to invest emotion. Sometimes there just is no reason to exude anymore then average emotions anyways. Look into 'guided imagery', and how to access your inner self."

And I agree.

Funny enough; I've been using "guided imagery" which i call "meditation" but a form of active meditation for years.

Among other things.

Thanks Beefdrop; I appreciate the input.

I've done some further soul searching. And there are several things involved here. Some times the "retraction of honest emotion" is in response to previous pain or injury's...

And realistically; as is the case with my friends; I'm not really ever in a situation with them that its possible to react other than positively.

Because simply; I want to be with them... otherwise, I won't call them. If i don't like where I am, what I'm doing, I'll just leave. Yeah, I often disguise that negative response as something else...

My brother taught me that. That when you don't like whats happening; change it. Go somewhere else; hang out with other poeople. And people respect you for that. Because your a leader at that point; and people want to be leaders... so they'll hang out with you because you have something they want.

On the other hand; there are really few people that I feel coumfortable extending myself into a vulnerable situation. A vulnerable situation can be a situation which demands (or can prompt) a negative emotion. Or any emotion other than happy.

And by nature negative emotions create vulnerability. Vulnerable because people view negative emotions negatively. When is the last time you've said "well, he shouldn't have been that happy... I hate it when someone gets happy like that and calls me up." no... its always "he got angry and we had a fight" "he was lonely, came over and we slept together; I wish we wouldn't have done that"

I'm sure you all have examples; I'm just saying negative emotions are subjective to criticism. When someone criticises you, no matter how strong you are; you still get hurt.

----

Lets look at this from a flip side. Its always been my perspective that everything we do as people are caused by something. We are a product of stimulus and response. Someone strikes me; I'm going to respond in a fassion thats created the desired response in the past.

I'll strike them back; I'll spit in their eyes and punch them in the stomache; I'll curl up and cry.

Whats easier to deal with? someone who'se just delt with you being negative? or you being positive?

Simple. A positive gives; a negative person takes. People like being around generous people, because they get things. From me, my positivity rubs off. I give energy to everyone I interact with every day.

Why? because the next time I deal with them its easier. I've just created a positive loop. They'll be positive with me next time, so I'm positive back. Back and fourth. And if that doesn't happen, I taper off my contact with them. Until I see them once every 3 years or so and every time determines if I see them again.

How do I have so much positivity to give out? because every where I go; I was positive last time, they give it back. My "crop" has reaped its rewards and I can plant more.

My boss asked me (last time I was in town) why I was so positive. I became 'someone else', squared my shoulders, stopped my submissive posture and postulating; looked him in the eyes and killed my smile.

Lowing my voice as I do when entering my power I said "in my understanding; being negative is about the worst thing a person can be."

And it is.

As I create positive swirls of energy; a perma-negative person creates the opposite. With everyone eventually drawing from eachother. You hurt people. Definately on a small scale; but your taking from them and setting them up in the future to take from you.

Why is it bad in my opinion? Not because they hurt others and themselves; but because in the future I'll have to deal with someone that these "negetive" people have turned. And those people will take from me. (yeah, I'm selfish. so what? *smile*) And it will take more positivity from me to make them give back. (which is often not worth my time)

Thoughts? Am I just full of crap?

Thoughts

As our theme here seems to be emotion; a question has been raised which I would like some input.

(and I know you uncommenting people are reading this!)

A female friend of myne has made the statement that I don't "feel" that my only emotions are played out, like an old man at the checkout in a grocery store. (ok... thats my imagery... but I'm sure its close to what she was thinking.)

So a friend; a brother of a very close friend who'se gotten close himself came online a little later.

I was in a contemplative mood and asked him if he's ever seen me in some form of emotion...

I've known the guy for over 10 years; seen him in several variaties of me...

He's like "I've seen you happy, not so happy and frustrated."

And in reality; I am happy. I've been structuring my "thought process" to assimilate everything into a happy thought... and if I have another emotion beside, its a small flavoring under happy. Or neutral. I don't often shift into negativity... and if i do I just let it flow out... and when its done I'm happy again.

Is that healthy?

I know a few of you are highly educated people regarding human interaction etc...

What are your thoughts?

Meeting and loosing people - energy revisited.

First off... yeah; I know I didn't answer Beefdrop's comment. i drew up a few drafts, but realised that I talked myself into a corner every time. Which sucks.

So I'm going to hold off on that for a while.

Sorry Beef!

----

So I hit up a girl internet dating style again. Was just browsing for fun and found someone who sounded like a wicked date if nothing else.

Started talking with her and realised that I felt crazy cold. Like I just expended a substantial portion of my "right now" energy. And I get cold alot when I chat online. When I'm just sitting in a warm place not doing much other than chatting and suddenly I'll get wicked cold and start shivering.

Talked to this girl for two days; spent 3 hours online (with a webcam this time!)... and she decided to go to bed...

And typical me fassion; just when she was starting to like me for me. I disconnect and walk away. Turn to my co-worker (who'se been in the loop on all this) and say the magic words "yeah, I don't think I'm ever going to talk to her again."

As soon as I think / say those words; I feel the connection cut and I feel drained again. This time not cold; but physically weak.

So I've first hand felt two pulls of my energy that don't have to exist.

The only catch, is I use it. As a crutch. When I'm talking with people online; on the phone... I send "me" to them... and I can use that however a person would use in-person body language.

*smile*

So this is me now; trying to keep me... well... me and not in anyone else.

Vibration and emination

Well; Its been a long time since I've had something startling (or just out of the ordinary) to say.

So here's my best.

I've been reading about man's level of awareness. His (or her!) ability to percieve our surroundings.

Trying to comprehend what I'm reading, I think I'll talk about it for a bit and see if I can make some sence.

First off; we percieve energetic vibrations. Our world is a collection of vibrations which are picked up by our different sences. Sight and hearing especially are scientifically proven to be vibration based. I'm sure the others are, I just don't want to spend time working on conveying that to you all. If you believe; Great! otherwise, try to suspend your disbelief for the duration of my little speil please.

So; our vibration. In the form of perception; we exsist on this 'vibrational' plane. For us to percieve (use our organs to sence) something, we have to be in 'synch' with it. Thus we are here.

But.... lets say for the sake of arguement that these "vibrations" weren't the only vibrations out there... that there are more potential perceptions bombarding our senses; just that we would have to be in synch with them to percieve.

And for us to be in synch with them; we couldn't be percieved by people here (in synch with our current set of vibrations) ... this would be because as we elevate our vibrational level (or lower) we would emit different vibrations, and people would need to be there to percieve them.

*smile* still with me?

so... I know you all are thinking "alternate realities" and dimensions and all that wonderous stuff...

but lets go in the other direction.

People aren't either here nor there. There is potentially an 'in between' this and that.

What would something like this look like? maybe someone sitting in an insane assylum needing "help" would be on a different vibe level?

Perhaps they're recieving something we're not aware is possible; thus crazy.

The book goes farther... claims that we can shift more than faster or slower. (actually this concept is something I'm using to translate, it uses something completely different but infinately more complex) That we would have to consider this in a 3-D sence. That we have a point of perception and we can shift left/right, up/down or deeper/shallower and any combination of these. That deeper / shallower causes an obsession with emotion.

You ever meet perpetually happy people? or perpetually sad?

People with a "chemical inbalance" may be people whose point of perception has shifted such that instead of sitting at zero on our wave form; they're scewed so everything is lower than it should be.

That when we dream; its a lateral shift to the left of our point; making things that should be outside of possible become every day.

And our usual rational state (which some people just don't exist in) is a result of our current perception fixation.

That our form of thought is a product of how we view things; thus formed from our point of perception.

-----

So yeah. Thoughts?

Whats up!

I've been avoiding writing about myself for a little bit. The events of the last few days have been odd and set me back into constant thought.
Needless to say; its not safe for me to open my damn mouth when I'm like this, never mind write a few pages on whats going on.
But I actually slept last night! Figured I'd see what comes out when I write.
----
So friday I finally got sent out on the road again. The office gave me a truck and said "head north my young friend"... and north I am.
Was talking to a friend on the phone, wanted to pull over and plug my phone in (for power)... ended up pulling over about 6 inches too much, cause my 3/4 tonne truck slid (sideways) into the ditch.
I shifted into 4x, attempted to "negotiate" out. Try going up a 30 odd degree incline... with your vehicle pointed straight up... going completely sideways. With a fully loaded vehicle, a half dozen sand bags in the back etc.
Got out; didn't plug in. Decided to just get to where I was going.
Within an hour (after 9 hours driving) and the fog enveloped the road. Couldn't see my headlights, never mind other vehicles.
So I turned around (drove past 2 seccondary roads, before I guessed right and found somewhere to turn around) had to drive through 2 towns (each with 3-6 motels, all booked) and found a room to stay.