Meeting and loosing people - energy revisited.

First off... yeah; I know I didn't answer Beefdrop's comment. i drew up a few drafts, but realised that I talked myself into a corner every time. Which sucks.

So I'm going to hold off on that for a while.

Sorry Beef!

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So I hit up a girl internet dating style again. Was just browsing for fun and found someone who sounded like a wicked date if nothing else.

Started talking with her and realised that I felt crazy cold. Like I just expended a substantial portion of my "right now" energy. And I get cold alot when I chat online. When I'm just sitting in a warm place not doing much other than chatting and suddenly I'll get wicked cold and start shivering.

Talked to this girl for two days; spent 3 hours online (with a webcam this time!)... and she decided to go to bed...

And typical me fassion; just when she was starting to like me for me. I disconnect and walk away. Turn to my co-worker (who'se been in the loop on all this) and say the magic words "yeah, I don't think I'm ever going to talk to her again."

As soon as I think / say those words; I feel the connection cut and I feel drained again. This time not cold; but physically weak.

So I've first hand felt two pulls of my energy that don't have to exist.

The only catch, is I use it. As a crutch. When I'm talking with people online; on the phone... I send "me" to them... and I can use that however a person would use in-person body language.

*smile*

So this is me now; trying to keep me... well... me and not in anyone else.