Capt'ns Blog

types of people

2009-07-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

I found a thought thats pretty nice -

I guess there are types of people; I've figured out 3.

1) feeling oriented people - people who really don't like hurt feelings

2) object oriented people - people who get really upset if they break something

3) opportunity oriented people - people who really don't like a missed opportunity.

Thoughts?

more types?

Fated

2009-06-18T17:53:00.001-07:00

Thanks Amie!

Its been along time!

You remember with me, there may have been a little bit of a ... spark?
lol; I lost it. Its simply not there with this girl I've been dating for more than a year now.

And its funny - that was the best part about dating is feeling on fire like that... drunk with passion.

*poof* gone!

therefore - sad.

Its funny; I think that if I changed any 1 thing all others would line up really nicely.

If I dumped my girl - I'd be rocking out at work and in my personal life.
If I wasn't doing this job; I would be perfect for this girl.
If I stopped trying to have a personal life I would be very good at my job and would be awesome with my girl.

But all 3 at 60% don't really seem to be working so well.

C

Sadness

2009-06-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

Well... I'm sad now.

Trying to get some emotion out the door - if I can write about it, maybe I can deal with it.

Thats funny

2009-02-05T11:58:00.000-08:00

I went into my "employment evaluation" and I think I just happily took a demotion.

Strange. My head kinda hurts from it as a matter of fact.

I get to move from a Country Product Line Manager into the field working for the region. Basically what I was doing in Canada - just in Latin America now.

Essentially I will be in the same position as my employees. I'm not sure exactly how I feel about that but I think its good.

My bosses boss asked me what I wanted. I told him "I was told by another boss that if I continue learning how I'm learning, I will have your job in 5 years" being a Country Manager.

The Country Manager looked at me and said "I think you can do it faster; here is how."

Step 1) Take a demotion.

*laughing*

C

Out of water

2008-12-23T08:01:00.000-08:00

I got a christmas card in the mail 2 days ago.

Funny enough - there were three lines in there for me - ending with "conserve water".

Well, becuase I didn't pay the water bill - my water got shut off.

Thats right! No more water. I guess the billing system here is substantially different than Canada and when they say "please pay the $10 you owe us" - not only do they not tack it onto your next bill; but they will actually shut off your water for less than it costs to send the guy out to shut it off.

Which sorta sucks - not having water - as my parents will be here tonight. Nothing is more fun than saying "sorry guys; we have to sleep at a hotel because we can't shower in the mornings, wash clothes or really do anything usefull" *smile* Embarrasing!

"look at how well i'm doing on my own... whats that? you want to wash your hands?!?"

Yeah - and its christmas - so I might not get my water turned on until January 2nd.

Awesome.

Shows me for not paying the water bill these last 3 months.

A wedding in Brazil

2008-12-22T04:06:00.000-08:00

So the girlfriend's cousin got married on friday night.

Naturally my girl and her Gringo Boyfriend (who is still the talk of the family) - me - are invited.

She died her hair last weekend - brown with red highlights (and damn hot too!)

Spent this week looking for dresses for Livia (yes - she has a name); found a store that makes things that seem to fit her body type well. Picked up 2 dresses. One of them red with red and red on it. Looks very nice and a little strange with her current hair color.

The wedding was scheduled to start at 8pm. We get there at 9 (traffic, problems with getting dressed etc.) and sit to talk with her family for a bit. Because of my cold (gripe in portugues) my voice is completely gone; i can't talk. *smile* just fine for me. The wedding starts with the people walking up to stand on either side of the altar thing. I was like "great! normal - people getting married" and then the flower girl wearing a red dress dances up the isle strewing flowers about.

Thats right - danced. True - I've never seen a ballet dancer before - this didn't look too bad, but pretty amateur to my untrained eye. Anyways; the bride groom walk up the isle, the priest starts his thing. My girls phone rings; she's kinda hiding it, but she starts talking to her mom on the phone. Hangs up and starts chatting with her aunt like they are 17 years old and in the back row of a social studies class.

I got right grumpy - if this was my wedding, I would stop the whole thing and tell them to shut up - but this seemed to be normal here. There was another guy talking on his phone, some other people right out of it staring at the ceiling. It was a mystery. Dude is praying and these people are almost ignoring him. Heck - the girl beside the priest (priestess maybe?) was yawning as well.

So wedding progresses. They get the ring; the dancer comes out with a guy in these silk pijamas (looks like a kung-fu outfit actually) and they dance the story of the bride/groom's love. (I sent an "Oh Snap" text to my buddy regarding that). Then we all stand up, extend our hands and pray over the bride and groom. (which was also a first for me).

The thing ends - the bridal party goes to cut the cake (which we didn't get any of) and take pictures, the rest of us sorta chilled out and had different plates of finger food.

Midnight - everyone went home.

I guess it was a quasi-evangelical brazilian wedding.

A long long time

2008-12-19T08:45:00.000-08:00

Wow! 5 months between posts.

As typical - I've thought up a hundred things to post about but always figured my only source of internet (work) was blogger-blocked.

What a surprise today when I figured to try and managed to get in.

First off - where am I - I'm in Brazil still. Still have the same girlfriend; still doing the same job.

Coordinating people.

I've sorta fallen into a rhythm of wake up, work, sleep and going to things on the weekend.

Have made some friends but mostly see my girlfriend when I'm not working.

I've taken up scuba - just got certified last weekend; my first dive is supposed to be on sunday but I've got a hell of a sinus cold and don't know if I'll make it.

what else? Not much exciting.

Work and sleep.

I'm sick - being depressing today; I'll be happy next post I promise.

Friendship

2008-07-09T18:26:00.000-07:00

Its strange, taking a friend for granted.

That when his companionship ends; to feel like I'm missing something.

Anger issues

2008-07-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

Alright - I've got anger issues.

I don't know where they started or what happened along the way - but I've got anger issues.

I think they are related to control. When ever I'm out of control of my immediate surroundings, it takes alot of effort to not last out in a physically negative way.

Like sunday - this guy was trying to kiss me. He was a friend of a friend; and everything was funny. We were joking around about being gay. He kept trying to kiss me - ended up with his hand on the back of my neck. All I could do was freeze myself, if I moved I would have smashed his nose in with my forehead.

Which is not very socially accepted.

So... I guess there were photos taken by my best friend down here.

Who made them all nice with a picture adjustment program and sent them out to a few people in the office. Who sent them to my boss; and a few people in Canada - which is ... unfortunate.

I guess the problem is; when ever I joke its not really funny. People get really hurt feelings and don't want to talk to me any more. Or my idea of revenge. Revenge to me is so out of proportion to the actual incident that its not really funny at all. (which is why I find it hilarious)

But not good.

Think I'll do some meditation on this one.

Ass pads

2008-07-03T15:38:00.000-07:00

There's a girl at work who wears ass pads.

Up until yesterday, I couldn't see it... even though a friend points it out quite often; I couldn't see it.

Now that I've noticed it - I can't not see it.

All the time. Her name is now Ass pads.

What else?

My girlfriend - who I've been dating for a month - is gone for a month.
Which is unfortunate. I was thinking very seriously of dumping her before she left.

Confusion. I can't see another girl without taking care of this one first.

The funny part is; I don't love her. She claims to be head over heals for me - but I don't love her. Maybe in a year. So the only guilt I would feel about cheating on her would come from being caught.

Irony

2008-06-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

So I've got a possessive girlfriend.

Ironic; because I'm a hell of a person to be possessive of.

This possessive thing has been pissing me off for a bit so I started to obviously look at women. I was undressing this girl with my eyes (my girl on my arm) when my girl caught me. She got... upset.

I did a follow up conversation with her (which we will now refer to as an arguement) and informed her that I kiss her, not other girls. She let it go.

not good enough for me. This has to come to a head.

Tell you more later.

Incidentally - a sunday here is called a sunday. But sunday is called segunda feira.

How is that for irony?

Salvador Brazil

2008-05-22T15:12:00.000-07:00

Alright;

I'm starting a long story.

In november '07 I applied for a job in Brasil. Almost 6 months later, here I am.

Basically; without knowing anything about what I'm getting into, I sold my house, my car and my motorcycle; left almost all of my worldly posessions, friends and family behind and left the country.

How long?

I guess its sorta a permanent position.

Sorta.

The perks?

I work in paradise. Literally; paradise. Its beautiful here. The women are georgeous - yeah, I don't speak the language - but they want to learn English. Haven't really gone out too much, I'm shy of late. Which works out just fine for me. But the girls I have met are just amazing. They're all mostly happy and don't live behind the walls us Canadians call home.

When they're happy, they smile. When they are sad; they cry.

---

I live in a hotel. I was at this hotel / resort - it was pretty nice. Had a friggain golf corse in the gated grounds. Now I'm in a business class place which doesn't have hot water half the mornings. Its nice!

The house they've got me setup with (I should take possession of sorts next weekish) has 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms (excluding the maid's area), is brand new; should be outfitted with all new appliances and I'll have to fill with furnature.

---

The work is pretty awesome.

Its difficult. Well; the difficult part is having a night life of any kind and being productive at work. I pretty much work 7 days a week and am on call 24 hours a day. I've got 43 employee's and over 20 support staff. Needless to say; its a little different from working in the field and playing video games all day.

Why is it difficult? because half of my staff don't speak english! Oh, and I'm the expert they flew in to deal with.. well... everything.

They even were kind enough to leave a number of messes for me to clean up when I started - oh yeah... and my guys basically have not had any supervision in the last year.

What else?

Everything is different down here.

The food for 1 - my body is still having problems digesting it.
Driving for 2 - they are absolutely crazy here. Good thing the emissions laws ensure everyone drives little cars.
Everything else for 3 - its all damn different.

But hey; ask some questions. I'll do my best.

More stories to follow (if I remember to post them! lol!)

C

Post 400

2008-02-26T23:01:00.000-08:00

Heya!

So I spent the last month working in the office.

Was offered a job remote controlling our tools from the office - setting up the pilot system and sorta figuring out how it works... without me knowing, running rigs live the first night.

It actually wasn't so bad; unfortunately running on a very restricted internet.

Thus - no blogger.

And while so much has been going on.

I'm now a certified Usui Reki practitioner, I've been dating a girl for almost 2 months...

oh; and I'm moving to Brazil.

Anyways; I'm exhausted; I'll send you all an update when I can.

The God Delusion

2008-01-21T22:52:00.000-08:00

Hey Fated!

Thanks for the question.

The god delusion (so far) is actually quite an interesting read. I've been on a big "why?" kick lately. Trying to understand what goes into decisions I make without thought and the first bit of this book really talks alot about the things we take for granted regarding religious thought and habits.

Ultimately, the book doesn't tell you if there is a god or not, but it says "if you start with a 50/50 chance of there being a god, we can show you some things that will make it a 60/40 or a 70/30 chance that there isn't one".

I'd pick it up. If only to read the first few chapters and get bored, its more than worth your time.

C

Religion

2007-12-19T22:44:00.001-08:00

I think we're sitting on a cusp of new revelations.

Its strange; I'm reading this "the god delusion" book and a quote referred to the higher levels of intellect showing distinctly lower levels of religious belief.

That the smarter a person is, the less he'll believe in god.

But when I meditate along this thought; something doesn't feel right.

Like we're about to all move to a new level of understanding, that there is something out there - something that can be understood and scientifically proven to exist in both the relm of science and religion.

I dunno. If someone out ther knows what I'm talking about, if they'd jump on and have a few words I would really appreciate it.

Capt'n

Fronteir Cowboy

2007-12-19T22:37:00.000-08:00

Okk;

I've been flirting it up with some online girls; and ran into another "holistic medicine" student at a local college. It sorta dawned on me that the ideas I'm having, the principals I'm investigating and exploring with my friends and apprentices; we're cutting the edge of energetic investigation.

Not necessarily that we are walking a path that others aren't.

Only that we're exploring things before a wave of instituionalism comes and crushes our imagination of potentials and possibilities.

Its funny. I mentioned that people used to get their reiki certifications over a few weekends to a person who had been studying for months to get it... she was... upset. (and massively sceptical - until I showed her some of my "learned in a weekend" tricks)

Speaking to another, just makes me shake my head with shame. We're seeing a new generation grow, and unfortunately they may be wilting for lack of sunlight.

Dissapeared!

2007-12-14T21:58:00.000-08:00

Hey all!

So I dissapeared for almost 2 months from you. Where have I been? what adventures have I been on?

So I went to a van halen concert the other day. Which was pretty spectacular. The concert itself was sorta boring, but watching Eddie Van Halen play his half hour guitar solo was something I never thought would inspire me as much as it did.

I bought my first painting.

Its a Michael Godard. He does those paintings with the olives and the martini glasses. They're always pretty amazing. Definately something you wouldn't just put anywhere; but they do create conversation. I was at an art signing of his and had to impulse buy one. Its called Perfect Zen, look it up if you've got the time.

My roomate bought an origional of his, he drew it there on the spot with a silver pen on a black canvas. It only took 20 or so minutes and was pertty phenominal to watch a person of such talent draw under pressure.

The goal was to draw a 3 scene comic book style sword fight between olives with one getting scewered at the end.

He made them like knights and had the helmet come off the 2nd one in the last frame; because of the pit, it looked like he was beheaded.

Anyways; thats a quick "hello" for me. I hope you all have a happy holiday season.

Capt'n

Understanding

2007-11-01T08:29:00.000-07:00

I've been pushing against my walls for a while now. Trying to understand something. A fundamental part of who I am.

And I found something unexpected.

Instead of something dark, some secret past that I'd long forgotten; I saw the glimmering of a diamond hidden in the rough of my mind.

I've been having issues with relationships. Literally finding girls, making an adjustment in their life; maybe elevating their energy level a little and releasing them back into the wild.

I couldn't figure it out. For the life of me I couldn't. Why I continuously fail relationships; or at least why they don't succeed.

And I found something. I'm not sure what it is. Only that its something very positive. Some quirk of my personality to be embraced and loved.

*smile* I'll keep you posted, I just wanted to let you all know that I found something inside which makes me rather happy.

Paving the way

2007-10-30T19:08:00.000-07:00

So I used to send an energetic "hello" out into a room before I knocked on the door to wake my lead hand up. I found that when I would do that it would only take 1 knock and he'd be wide awake.

Or I could feel his sleep cycle and find a better time to wake him - if not immediately energetically adjustable.

So I was thinking.

You know how people always say "I was just thinking about you..." when you spur of the moment call them?

How can we cause that?

I got a very nice looking girl's number from the bar last week. Told her that I would call her in a week (being today). So I just spent the last 3 minutes coaxing a connection into her head. Being all like "hey! its me!" on an energetic level. In another 5 or so minutes going to call her up and see the reaction.

I wanted to post this first incase it didn't work at all. *smile* I just figured that maybe this is something we could work on.

Like ringing the doorbell before walking into a house - same thing. Only before we phone someone.

Best Friends

2007-10-26T19:42:00.001-07:00

I was thinking about friends. Best friends specifically.

I think I've come to terms with what having a friend actually means.

By that, I mean - I own a house with a guy I've known more than half my life. I've known many friends, good friends. I've lived with a few and have seen other's soul - through their eyes and words as they express their fears and loves.

But what makes the best?

I sorta figured tonight (as I lay in the tub) that a best friend is someone who see's your steps in the sand and understands where your heading. Someone who doesn't deter you from your path, no matter how unalike it is from his/hers. And at the end of the day, shares in the celebration of accomplishment or gives you a hug to pick you back up. So that you both can walk your paths again.

The charisma arts seminar

2007-10-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

Okk... funny story.

I'm not sure what it is - either one of two things.

1) Its coming up to november, I always find tonnes of girls around november.
2) The techniques at the charisma arts seminar are gold, they're giving me the proper vocabulary to pickup girls.
3) I came back from NYC with new confidence which makes the women want me.

Something like this ... I dunno. But I was at the bar last night and picked up a beautiful blonde. (picked up - aka - got her number)

horray for me.

Oh; and incidently, I'm starting to see energy as a field. Well... not see... but see at the same time. See as in sense with something other than my eyes. It confuses the hell out of me, but is cool too.

Women

2007-10-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

Ok; so I done good over the last few days.

The met. that I briefly mentioned going to in the last post - I took a girl there (which I had met the prior weekend).

The charm school boys said 2 major things about my picking up ability. 1 - that if I don't go for 8's and 9's (rating of physical beauty - with 1 being low and 10 being perfect) girls will get confused. I guess I'm attractive and because of that, people have expectations about who I chase after.

2nd of all... they said I need to step up a little more. I always give girls hugs to say good by (and hello... and in the middle too). They said that that was good, but with who I am and how I carry myself, girls expect to be kissed by me and are thrown off (and I'm sure upset) when I only hug them.

Which is strange to me. I like being nice to people and taking things slow.

So I gave their hints a little try over the last few days.

Guess what...

Apperently, not only are girls not upset when I kiss them, but they're more than pleased to continue kissing for some time.

Who knew?

So I rolled up to my shady New Jersey hotel room a few nights back. There were some hillbillies standing outside the rooms drinking beer. I walked up and started chatting with them cause I was bored-ish. Some girls came out and joined them later, one of which I claimed. Ended up going back to her hotel room (which she was sharing with her best friend) and making out with her on the bed (while the best friend sat on the chair beside the bed and tried to ignore us. Which... incidently... was rather difficult when trying to roll over, I slammed my girl's head against the head board and promptly fell off the bed. Smooth.)

She didn't want to come over to my room (maybe because I told her I was trouble and like to take advantage of half drunk girls earlier) for some reason so I called it a night and headed back for some sleep.

Things didn't seem right, so I laid there (still dressed... mostly) and read (with a knife beside me) for an hour or so; until there was a knock on my door. (surprise surprise)

So I made out for a while longer, but something wasn't right. While I had the girl pulled into a very trance like state I asked her a few more questions. Turns out she's rather upset about an ex-boyfriend. (the usual stuff)

While she was chillin' out, I delved into her head and did a little energy healing, using my words as hypnotic suggestion to help her out with her love life.

I actually feel rather good about the whole thing. That maybe I made a difference (if only a small one) in someone's life.

And no - I didn't sleep with her. She would have been more than happy, I'm sure (and her fat/ugly friend in the next room would have joined if asked) but I just wanted to play a little bit, not make anything seriuos.

All in all, a very good night.

Um... I'm an idiot

2007-10-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

I was chillin in NYC with my buddy (who lives there) and he's showing me all his cool survival gear.

Pulls out this tazer. We're sorta playing around with it and it dawns on me that I would rather like to know what it feels like to be zapped.

We took out the explosive dart package (cause that would just be dumb) and he turns it on, pulls the trigger to start the arc across the electrodes.

"you good?" "yup" and touches it to my leg.

Yeah, incidently - if your ever offered the oppourtunity to be tazered... just say no.

It stung something fierce and whatever gets hit freaks out. The muscles go wierd and it hurts really really badly. Oh, and it burns after.

Fortunately, after a short period of time (during which, I tazered him and he tazered his girlfriend) all the hurt went away.

Vampire monks and Wearwolves

2007-10-20T22:46:00.001-07:00

Okk... so first of all; I'm chillin out in New York City.

Its actually quite beautiful out here. The people are just amazing and there are a whole bunch of things I'm rather enjoying checking out.

Why am I here instead of home?

My rig finished up just in time for me to sign up for a "charisma arts charm school boot camp" hosted by an instructor who posts blog articles I've been enjoying for a while. We hit the town for 3 days identifying all sorts of wonderful things I need to adjust in my approach method and outlining the "Juggler method" of picking up women. - incidently - it works like a hot damn. I just got off the subway and scored a number from a girl I'd been talking to for almost 2 minutes.

Typical me fashion; I'm jumping around on my points. Rig shut down, went to New York for the seminar, then I went to Philly for an "urban escape and evasion" seminar. It actually was quite amazing and I picked up alot of street-craft skills.

Like blending in or becoming practically invisible... just cool stuff that really everyone should know if they travel.

Came back to NYC for a day to hang out with a friend I met at that Tactical Awareness seminar I took in 2005 and then I fly home for a few days.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Back to New York State in 3-4 days.

Oh, and here's a picture everyone will like.

A monk (who was chanting outside the metropolitan museum of art) wearing vampire teeth surrounded by wearwolves.

accupuncture coincidence

2007-09-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

Funny story!

So my tight tight back has been pissing me off over the last few days. Now its gotten tight enough to give me a good ol' headache. A tension headache which is substantially different than your normal headache.

So I was sorta thinking about seeing someone or getting something done. Like a massage or a chiro or something. Instead; I was pinning a 5 dollar bill to the wall with a rather large push pin. Wasn't even watching and I pushed that pin through my nail into my thumb.

And I think I hit something. (after I pulled the pin out of my thumb, which was lodgeg into my nail) I felt this wonderful relief in the back of my head.

Lucky co-incidence.

Yankee Stadium

2007-09-22T23:10:00.000-07:00

Okk... so I arrived at my rig in New York state and it looked like they were down for a day or so. My directional hand turned to me and asked "do you like sports?"

5 or so hours later we found ourselves driving the 4 hours to New York City to watch tonight's Yankee / Blue Jays game.

Armed with my GPS, I was navigating (which actually was a full person job) and he was driving. Spent an hour trying to cross the George Washington bridge and we found ourselves attempting to cross Manhattan island. The GPS was having a conniption attempting to find Yankee Stadium, so on route I called a friend. My dad! Dad was happy to look up addresses and find suggested parking options and stuff for me.

He figured that we should park at an actual park which would be close to a subway station and we could take that right to the game.

Apparently it was an amazing idea; we had to turn off of the highways to find a park... and the 30 odd thousand people who were on time to the game I guess shared that thought. So we just drove to the game. Paid for parking 5 blocks away ($30 for an extended box truck) and ran to the game!

Incidentally... we drove (Alberta style!) through Manhattan island during rush hour on a Friday night (of the long weekend). I'm very glad my directional hand was driving because I was having panic issues being the passenger. What were we in? My work truck - a Chevy silverado 2500HD - a 3/4 tonne extended box crew cab pickup. Apparently not a lot of people drive pickups in NYC... and I could definitely see why.

We found a convenient scalper, picked up box seats for $60 each (in the $200/seat section) found our chairs (had to kick someone out of them) and went in search of some beer and hot dogs. (the mission was to eat a hot dog watching the Yankee game)

Took care of that...

But didn't get / post any photos of me eating the hot dog because of the comments I'm sure I'd get.

Yes - this is a pic of me drinking a cold beer at the Yankee's game.

I stopped by the gift shop for a hat and we hit the road. What took us 45 minutes to drive into NYC; surprisingly took less than 5 minutes to get out. 20 minutes of construction and (and another 3 hour drive) and I was back home - on my rig.

Operation Lasagna

2007-09-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

Okk... so I had a lasagna craving for the last few days... and just can't find the right restraunt to satiate my hunger.

Tonight? I stopped buy East Side Mario's for lasagna. It was a very tomato tasting sauce, nice and thick; with alot of noodle layering. All in all, a very above average lasagna.

Last night? Chineese food.

But the night before that - The Old Spagetti Factory - Their lasagna was actually very hearty and tasty. Not quite as rich of a sauce as I was looking for, but definately not too bad.

The night before that - Boston Pizza. I ordered the house lasagna. Apperently there are a few different types. The lasagna had a high water content. The taste wasn't bad, but it was like eating watery noodle soup.

The night before that - Royal Pizza. There was only one lasagna selection. Same deal as BP's. A very watery lasagna. I dunno, but it tasted remarkably similar. Maybe that cook was moonlighting or something.

Unfortunately, I'm leaving town on thursday; but I still have tomorrow lunch and dinner for lasagna hunting.

Family

2007-09-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

This last weekend I spent with family.

My uncle got married on Vancouver Island with a very limited party; came home and had all the extended relatives over.

It was really nice. As I've worked the last two christmas' I havn't really gotten a chance to see the family much.

So we kibitz'd. It looks like I've grown up a heck of alot in the last two years. Surprisingly so.

My cousin in law (or something) who is an amazing person to talk to, we chatted with my religious uncle for a few hours. Really enjoyed that one. And talked to my aunt about being happy.

My extended family is crazy religious... and my aunt made some comment about it being in the bible that we shouldn't be happy. So I dropped to the serious me and was like "well thats just tough". Apperently what she said came out wrong and the bible says to be happy... so we cleared that one right up and moved along.

I got home late saturday, woke up early for breakfast at mom's.

When I got home, both times, I was just wiped. I guess family does that to some people. Exhausts them and all.

Well Hello!

2007-09-10T10:59:00.000-07:00

So... my online friends.

There is much to say; and I don't know how much of it I'll share (or remember).

Starting today and moving backwards. Yesterday I had the pleasure of seeing my friend A. She said once or twice that we've known eachother for 8 years. That I'm (besides family) the longest known person she keeps in touch with. Which is awesome.

So I slept and woke up. And it dawned on me that she's the only girl that I've known for longer than 3 years that I still talk to. (and the only ex-girlfriend that I still keep in contact with).

So we went out for sushi and a walk along whyte ave. Stopped by the book store (I need to stay away from there) and picked up some goodies for my brain.

We peeked into several clothing stores off and on whyte. There was one clothings girl I thought was kinda cute so A persuaded me (while waiting for our starbucks) to do an approach. It failed miserably, but I still helped that girl feel like gold (even though she was clearly 16, had braces and not my type - I guess things that show up when you spend more than a quarter of a second looking at someone).

All in all a beautiful day.

The Wonderous Oil Patch

2007-08-19T15:44:00.000-07:00

Well... readers... your all in for a treat.

You all remember the wonderful posts I did last winter while I was severly sleep depraved and working nights?

Good news!

The next 24 hours, what was supposed to be a little shift alone (aka - without relief) is turning into something a little larger than that.

Looks like my 2nd man is going to be another (at least) 48 hours before he comes here to work his 12's again. So I'll be working 72+ hours without sleep.

The good news?!? That means 72+ hours of sleep depraved thinking time for me to open my deepest thoughts up to all my friends in online land.

Horray!

Crazy little rig dog

2007-08-18T14:24:00.000-07:00

There's this palmeranian out here... he barks non stop at everything (except the wind)... but what makes him a little crazy is that he loves to play fetch.

With rocks.

Thats right... we're on a gravel pad (the large gravel; like whole river rocks) and you pickup any of the million rocks your standing on and throw it... and the dog runs out; spends a good 3 minutes finding the rock it thinks you threw, walks about half way back with the rock, drops it and then barks at you until you throw another.

I guess just another thing I find in my backyard.

birds and cheese

2007-08-18T08:06:00.001-07:00

I was reminded that its the early bird that gets the worm... and bringing a smile to my lips; the thought... that its the 2nd mouse that gets the cheese.

Emotionally dead.

2007-08-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

Funny story...

I'm watching this new tv series called "I'm 45 and single" its a mans adventure trying to get in touch with his sensitivity.

I'm chatting with my buddy online while we're watching this show... he's sitting across from a girl he's know for 20 years. Someone he's fooled around with multiple times; he's looking to find out what type of friendship he's got with her.

This is what she said.

"Your emotionally sterile. I think your callous. I think your de-sensitised. You are a black hole of emotion. A Vortex."

And my buddy starts laughing. He's like "as she was saying that, all I could think of was that this is how girls could describe you."

This was... I dunno... so amazing; I had to post it here for you all to share with me.

Marriage proposals

2007-08-15T11:34:00.000-07:00

Alright!

Capt'ns running marriage proposal count: 2

That's right, 2 girls have now informed me (in mock seriousness) that I'm going to marry them.

Coloring book

2007-08-14T13:24:00.000-07:00

Its been brought to my attention - because of changes in me and changes in friends I chat with online; that when we're all on MSN trying to talk to eachother; we all approach each conversation like a kid with a coloring book.

The words produce the lines and we try to fill them in. Attempt to use the proper colors to cast what we're percieving in the proper light.

And some times we screw up. We color outside the lines or make a gray cloud blue.

I dunno what I'm trying to say; i just thought that analogy neat.

Fishing with dynamite

2007-08-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

Okk... so the water hauler out here has a (what looks like) 15 year old daughter. Very innocent, not poorly shaped and not unattractive. Being on an oil rig... doesn't matter where she is... the boys here sniff after her like a pack of wolves.

It was my pelasure to give a piece of paper to one roughneck who figured to beat the system and asked her dad if he could take the daugher on a date.

I love watching things like this unfold; having been shot down too many times to count, I know that anticipation, the hope and the fear of approaching a good looking woman.

All I have to say - Atta boy!

Lead and Follow - 2

2007-08-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

To follow (excuse the pun) of my last post...

How would you alter a person's mood? How would you change a person's perception?

I am a staunch believer that everything energetic follows rules that everything mundane follow... (which I've said time and time again) so I'll do my best to provide and translate.

When I argue, how do I prove a point?

Concession of a point of knowledge between two very stubborn males is a difficult thing. For one man to agree that he was wrong or to embrace your point of view as his own on most days borders on impossible; on others exists beyond those borders.

When I'm to 'adjust' someones reasoning, I first attempt to understand theirs. That we are on the same page, understanding WHY he believes which he believes. In my head, I find the finite points which make my argument different than his and (most often) subtly I prove to him, not what I'm arguing about, but each point individually - almost as a separate argument, a separate conversation.

Step by step, once he combines his new knowledge with his old reasoning, he converts to my way of thinking.

It is not surprising when at the end of the 'argument' when my opponent turns to me with a new realisation and presents to me the perspective I've held since the beginning.

----

Thats the most basic form of this.

Neuro linguistics states that for effective communication to occur between two people, you must speak using the same fundamentals.

If a person is used to visualizing something in their head, using visual words in your conversation allow him/her to understand you. If you used Auditory or Kinesthetic words, (as bizarre as this sounds) they won't.

Can you see what I'm talking about? (Can you hear what I'm saying? Can you feel the point I'm trying to make?)

---

Unfortunately, I'm out of thought. Sorry to leave you all hanging, but there will be more to come.

Lead and follow

2007-08-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

There is a skill that some have.

I had first learned about it through a neuro linguistics instructor when he was talking about bringing someone through modalities. From kinesthetic to visual and auditory and back.

It was my idea to be able to change a person, to adjust their method of communication.

And i know you can. Not only through these methods, but using energy as well.

That once you follow a person to the now they occupy, you can bring them (most often slowly) to the now you exist in.

I understand the idea of this isn't readily powerful. That most people would read through and wonder how the different now's do anything, if they do anything (or exist!) at all.

But we shape the world by our beliefs. What I wish to see, i see. What I believe I can do, I do. Bringing someone else to this; having them believe as you believe, witness what you see and do. The synchronicity of your thought is the source of some power.

If you believe in such.

Dressing grubby

2007-08-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

I walked into applebee's today, dressed sorta rig-casual. Aka - shit. Wearing sorta worn jeans with dirt stained into it; a dirty t-shirt, sleep lacking from my eyes and my hair clearly hadn't been done in several days and because of 'not sleeping / emotional stress' my voice wasn't exactly stable when addressing the hostess or waitress.

So...

I wasn't treated the way I usually am.

Which felt strange. Very strange.

But I got a drink and an App; dropped a 20 and the waitress was like "wait a minute... this guy may not be a bum".

I left feeling pretty good.

Insight

2007-08-04T17:33:00.000-07:00

Its a funny strange thing.

I was talking with my 2nd hand, an older man around 60. He likes to talk. I've been working with him for 3 or so days now.

And suddenly it hit me; he talks and won't stop talking because he's afraid that if he doesn't, no one will hear him.

That he has ideas he thinks may help and he wants to share. That maybe this is his last (first and last sometimes mean the same I guess) chance.

I think we all hold onto fears like this. And maybe, instead of trying to face our own, we can help someone; like my 2nd hand friend here go to sleep with a smile on their face. Because for one day, they don't have to be afraid of their fears.

Us vs Canada

2007-08-04T07:16:00.000-07:00

Okk... so I'm now working in the states.

Its sorta nice in the area that I am. People seem friendly enough, the weather is nothing but beautiful. But there are differences.

Strange differences. For example... in Canada land - pretty much everywhere I've worked over the last forever - every grocery store had oodles of bread products. A whole isle devoted to freshly baked pastries, bread, scones... all sorts of amazing stuff.

Down here, the few grocerie stores I've visited, less than half.

A few other things which are sorta neat - Walmart's here aer 24 hours, I even found a 24 hour grocery store. In Canada land, I think thats almost unheard of.

*smile* the last place I worked in Canada, the only 2 grocery stores were open from 9am to 6pm; 8pm on thursdays and closed sunday.

Which i guess is almost the opposite of 24 hours.

Happiness Cont.

2007-07-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

Thanks Budgie!

I know exactly what your talking about.

With regards to me and my perceived external grumpiness... if nothing is done about it; it will never change... you know?

it was strange... I was at the capital ex, stopped by all the trade shows to see whats new and exciting.

I found a gillette booth where they shave your face, all you have to do is sign up and fill out a waiver.

So I'm sitting in this little trailer and this chicka is shaving me. I couldn't stop giggling. I started playing with the 2 man audience, we were playing trivia games and getting all yelly and rowdy. Before she was done shaving me; the hall was full of people stopping to view the spectical.

I think all the faces in the audience were unhappy. That they saw someone who was happy and didn't know what to do... other than stand and stare.

Maybe hoping that they could get a little waft of what was funny or causing such excitement; so they could share in it as well.

I think that maybe most people want to be happy... they just need a reason. Someone other than themself they can blame for this strangely good feeling.

Maybe we could play; you out there (my blog audience) and I. Try to plant 1 happiness seed and see what happens. Not really go out of your way to be happy, but share with 1 person the fact that you are happy.

I think soemthing strange could happen.

Happiness

2007-07-20T01:15:00.000-07:00

Its a very strange thing; and I'm not too sure what to do about it.

I've noticed an alarming trend, that the majority of my friends aren't happy.

And trying to help them all; or even one or two of them and I tip into unhappy land myself.

Very disgruntling.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to empty myself trying... or if I should bunker down and save whatever happiness I have for myself.

Thoughts?

Virgins

2007-07-02T21:26:00.000-07:00

Interestingly enough...

I saw a girl the other day and noticed something about the texture of the air around her.

After driving away; I knew instinctually that that girl was a virgin.

It was very strange. Something new to look for in my watching of people; to confirm my senses.

Smashingly interesting

2007-07-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

So I smashed my thumb pretty good today.

And I learned something rather neat.

That when you mash that thumbnail really good; not only does it bruise under the nail; that bruise can carry through right to the other side as well.

Anamalistic tendancies

2007-07-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

Ok; so I come back from the field and I'm ... different.

Very un-like the me that I am after being in town for a while.

Who is this stranger?

I've found out that its actually me. The me thats un-diluted by others.

Strange; to finally find someone you can see in the mirror.

I posed a challenge to a friend of mine. To assist me to become that me more often.

Its strange, for me to have a goal; but no real good ideas on how to achieve that goal.

And yeah; I know, I don't really want to step backwards to who I was (and found no use for) but I would very much like to become that me again, mainly because I ran away from him; and running is never acceptable.

Folding up of a personality and putting it into the closet, a drawer or the garbage - acceptable.

Running away from who you are; no matter the reason - not acceptable.

Thusly; tonights challenge.

Horray! I still have A reader! WOOO!

2007-06-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

Fated said...
Yay! A new post. Sounds like an interesting life you've had lately. Hope you love the new york job!

Well holy crap!

I figured everyone had packed their bags and gone home; leaving this blog in the dust of their passing.

Things are slowly starting to settle down as I pack up my baggage (emotionally) and prepare to leave some of it behind.

Speaking about which; I havn't left yet. *sigh* but looks like my next benchmark is the 29th, and if that fails; going to a sask. job on the 4th.

I'll know more tomorrow.

etc etc.

So yeah!

I was at the office today; played hackisack in the bay for an hour with some of the department managers. It was killer fun.

Unfortunately, it was just like school... but instead of the principal; it was my bosses boss walking by every 20 minutes giving us a frown or dissaproving eye.

Maybe not the best thing to do; but he said at this morning's meeting that we're supposed to make the best friends with today's co-workers, as they'll be tomorrow's bosses.

A little update on whats going on!

2007-06-24T10:38:00.000-07:00

Hey team!

Its been a while.

I've been working pretty lax, pretty much 10 days a month over june and may. Which is nice; but I'm about ready to take a break from being here (aka - looking for a 30+ day job to escape to)

During May, i was fighting the women off with a stick. Even managed to pickup a beautiful girl at the bar; fought through her fat blocker and a jelous ex-boyfriend bouncer to grab her number. Which was awesome.

Unfortunately; she turned out to be a bitch; pissed me off on date 3, so date 4 I spent the entire time pressing her buttons.

I text messaged her that I was leaving for a month; she text messaged me that it was over between the two of us.

Pretty tidy conclusion if you ask me.

So far in June I havn't chased anything. I've had a few oppourtunities; but literally no desire.

Been 'seeing' this girl. She's living with her "ex-boyfriend" in a 1 bedroom appartment; and I guess the words 'break up' are open for interpretation. (aka - when he calls and she's with me, she claims to be at her parents house)

Which is all cool; I have no problem helping a girl out on the side like this. The only thing that gets me (and son of a bitch does it bother me) is her energetic availability for me.

I can't get it up unless a person desires me both physically and energetically. But as she's already being provided for on that front; there is almost no sexual desire on my side. I mean... I can feel this friggain wall in her head. When it starts to crumble (or she forgets about it) I start getting turned on. No matter what the context. It comes back up; I'm literally an emotion less being. Just a body. With a damn headache from the energetic impass.

Which is ... upsetting... to say the least. I'm a Scorpio. Its what we do. Not only are we know as born manipulators; we are the passion sign.

So; let me summarize this better... There is this amazing girl who wants me physically which I'm sliding into the "friends" category.

What a piss off.

There's so much more... but I don't have a lot of writing in my left.

I should be gong to new york (state) by the end of this month (horray!) for a permanent assignment. Looks like 20-30 days on and 10 days off.

Went canoeing yesterday. It was actually pretty awesome. That Canoe thing I posted about; thats what i ended up doing. The river was going quite fast; and we were a little competative; so we just burned through the thing in 4(ish) hours. (which is enough to tire a person out; judging by my condition today) But then again; there were a few parts where we just drifted down; and some other parts where we hauled ass and went for speed. We finished first out of all the other canoe's going (which is awesome) by about 20 minutes.

So yeah; I'll try to keep in touch; but no promises. I've been sorta avoiding everyone and hiding out for a bit; trying to just chill out... which I guess includes my blog.

Later!

The mountains - day 1

2007-06-11T08:58:00.000-07:00

So I wanted to get away from the city. There was a blue moon coming up and I wanted something special to enjoy the moment.

I called up Ninja Instructor Curtis; who lives in southern BC in the rockies there, I arranged to visit him for a few days of vacation fun.

Made some stops on the way down... did a quick 2 hour visit to the hot springs for a swim and a massage; stopped at this little silver smith store that was in the middle of no where.

Ended up at Curts house around 9pm (after driving since 7am makes for a long day) and we chilled for the night.

"morning" came around (like noon) and we sorts toured around the area, showing me the spots. I had a crazy sushi craving; so we hitup this place called 'chopstics'. I ordered a massive plate of food and a half order of like raw salmon chunks (which I ate with relish - though I can't stand fish... isn't that strange?) We stopped at one of several dams for some sight seeing; they were spilling 2 1/2 gates of water; the froth and foam at the bottom looked like the softest pillow... Though if you put it in perspective; the swells were 14 feet high and could easily swallow a car without a trace.

So we got back to his place, had a little Vegan snack changed our clothes and prepped for a day hike.

Showed up at the bottom of this mountain trail. It was +35 outside (ish... every time I tell this story the temp ranges from +38 to +35 celcius) and the lake beside the trail was still half covered with ice.

Turning to the trail; we were a little dismayed to see about 6-7 feet of snow, all the way up the mountain.

If you notice the almost vertical clean lines in the snow; thats where I jogged up and around, sliding back down. It was sure enough footing to walk on. You just had to keep light thoughts.

Thats the back of curts head on the right hand side of the pic there. He's not overly happy to be climbing in snow, but we figured the worst thing that could happen was we'd get half way and have to stop.

We climbed up the hill... from snow to rocks and back again. A few times we almost twisted things or fell; but were there to catch one another. Funny enough; the snow had melted around the trees and rocks; so if there was a tree limb under the snow from a tree above it, the heat form the sun would pass through and ultra soften the snow around the tree limb; causing us to slip or almost dissapear in the snow several times.

This pic here; its just a hole in the snow. Curt was high centered... aka - his leg was all the way in the snow up to his groin, his other foot was somehow positioned on the rock beside the hole; it was sorta funny, hearing him yelp... and then with amazement say "I'm not even touching the bottom"

Hiked up a ways more, a few hours into the hike at least, walking beside these bamboo poles which had what looked like rope or wire coming out of the top of them and running up the mountain. We sorta followed our own path and ran into this little barrel station and a sign. The sign said something along the lines of "caution avalanches may be triggered at any time, don't be here cause its dangerous". Using a little brain power, we realised that these poles were sticks to place and mark charges below the snow which could remotly be set off causing an avalanch. Who knew?

Um... photo time... This pic here is where we climbed up. See the snow and trees and stuff?

This ridge we're on shooting the picture, its the top ridge in the next picture. This is about half way.

This is... a mountain.

I don't have much more creative things to say, i just wanted to show a few more pics on where things were for perspective's sake.

As mentioned above; this view obscures the actual mountain top, which is another good bit above this.

So we got to the top of the mountain and waited around somewhat for the sun to set and the moon to rise. Of course, you have 2 men with camera's on top of a mountain, they're gonna try doing stupid things and getting photo's of them.

Here's my favorite pic. I'm doing ... something; I think its called a valdez from breakdancing.

Here's a picture of the sun setting over the mountains. It was actually pretty nice.

And here's a pic of the blue moon rising on the opposite side. We actually took like 20 pictures and a few videos, trying to get 1 in focus shot of the moon (as none of us had brought mini tripods or anything).

So after we finished playing on the top of the mountain, we started hiking down... in the dark. Which actually was pretty awesome. The snow, which had softened from the day's heat, got a bunch harder... but was more precarious footing. Until we figued that we could just slide down the whole damn mountain.

Which we did.

There was one or two times where one of us got out of control and couldn't stop (without running into something) and the other grabbed hold of the victum and stopped his downward rush; but other than that, very uneventful.

I do have to say though; sliding down a tree covered mountain in the dark gave me a much greater high than skydiving the few weekends back.

After we got to the bottom and found a 30 foot drop to the highway, we sorta figured that we descended on the wrong side of the mountain. Had to half climb up it again to skirt around to where we were parked.

Anger

2007-06-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

Oh sweet release into the land of the angry.

Screw earth its dormant and slow changing ways. Not being a part of any of the moving elements is driving me up the wall. The earth, is something so very abstract and different from what I am; i feel... weak being like this.

The love I used to share with my close friends and companions has all but dried up. Looking to tap this endless source I could feel inside me.

Instead of the rushing river of feeling and caring I usually pull from; all I feel is ground beneath my feet.

*smile* you see how this can be frustrating?

Most days, it doesn't feel like I have enough for myself, never mind others.

So I was sitting here; thirsty for what i once knew and some very wonderful person provided the fuel and catalyst for a nice angry fire behind my eyes.

That should provide sustenance for another day or so; one more day to learn how to adapt.

Strange concepts

2007-06-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a stranger/friend the other night. She was having problems and wanted to discuss them with someone who didn't know (and thus couldn't gossip with) any of her friends/family.

So I showed up. Tadaa!

And it was blatantly shoved into my face that the idea of worrying abuot people or things is almost a concept that I don't understand any more.

Its strange; I care and love people... but worrying about their future is just something I don't think is in my thought process. Worrying about my future neither.

Worry; to me; is a lack of trust in a person's ability to handle. That unless its a pre-curser to action is wasted... and it just sorta got left by the roadside.

I was chatting with another friend tonight; talked about her boyfriend being mad at her. And it struck me; pretty good and solid; that I don't remember the last time I've been mad at a person neither.

That I get mad at circumstance that makes them act how they act, and I remember it from my far far distant past...

Its just strange; a concept that was a part of my life has become completely unknown.

It makes me wonder about what else I've forgotten which was once common place.

Prairie's

2007-06-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

Ok... I've been trying to summon the energy to write on here for some time.

And I've had so many adventures to detial; thoughts to share and all that.

But when I start; I get 2-3 lines through and can't seem to punch out any more.

Whats going on now?

I just stood outside my rig and looked at the beautiful Albertan prairie. Watching the grass blow in the wind.

Nothing more beautiful than seeing something that just screams "home".

Whyte Ave

2007-05-27T01:39:00.000-07:00

Ok... seriously... what the crap just happened?

So I was looking for a little "I just got home" adventure.

I end up online, meet a brand new girl. chat with her for less than 5 minutes... her and her friends are going to some bar. So I'm like ... here we go!

Show up; meet some girl in a bar's lineup, run into a buddy from highschool... which was cool. Phone rings, its that girl again. She's at a different bar. So I head over there.

A few days ago I was thinking "i havn't had anyone approach me and say 'do I know you from somewhere?' for a while, I need some of that to happen soon" and some chick walks up to me. Says that her boyfriend and her know me. I was like "awesome! check 1 for the check list"

Get in, meet the girl. She was a little bit of a dissapointment. But whatever. I'm looking for some one to dance with and here she is.

Her phone rang like a dozen times, apperently wants to go across the street to another bar. She's like "lets go there, I'm going to grab my girlfriend, but if we do, you can't leave us and I need a ride home cause we're ditching all my friends." and I don't care, figure its a good idea.

It wasn't.

I bribe the bouncers to let us in with no line; we get in. Surrounded by hot chicks; I'm with this girl and her short, slightly horizontally challenged native drunk friend. The girl's phone rings, so she leaves me with "+1" who apperently wants to grind.

I threw up in my mouth.

So I spent the next 20 minutes energetically giving this short girl an upset stomache and creating an impermiable "don't touch me" barrier between us.

Find the friend, who needs to go somewhere else to find her friend and I guess wants to leave after that.

Finds the friend (surprise! she was at the last bar we were at) who looses it on said girl. Apperently leaving a bar with a complete male stranger is dangerous. *smile* who knew?!?

They get in a screaming match; the girl turns to me and says "we're leaving I guess.... I hope you have a good night, will you call me later?"

*laughing*

so I had an adventure. just not the type I was looking for.

Grrr! and there were all sorts of hot girls sizing me up at that last bar too.

A bit "welcome back to the city".

----

Speaking about which, I need a girlfriend. Apperently you can go for a canoe trip down this major river that runs through town. They drive you up stream and you sorta paddle down to your vehicles.

That'll be in a few weekends I'm guessing.

The Bar

2007-05-25T01:37:00.000-07:00

So I went to the bar tonight.

*smile* i didn't want to go, but before I left the house, I saw things... indicators that it was required. And after I left; not only did I have that feeling of completion, but I saw a massive shooting star in the sky.

I've been working on my conversational skill tonight. Talking with all sorts of people and seeing whats going on in their lives.

what did I do?

Well, I gave out a few hugs. Was in quite a few photos. I gave one girl a back massage and did a bunch of dancing.

Things struck me. A few guys gave me that... nod. I had one guy leech off of my energy, go for the 'thanks bro, see you later' hand shake situation. Another guy called me the man. One guy wouldn't stop talking to me about the back rub.

The two girls I had in front of me; (one was the security blanket) were texting back and forth... the one without the back rub said "this is creepy" (I was sorta reading over her shoulder) and the other was like "it might be creepy, but is feels so good".

I dunno.

Accomplishments?

I'm not so sure.

I think I need a different goal... something to keep my eyes on and accidentally accomplish what I'm really setting out to achieve.

Tomorrow night? if I go out dancing; I think I'm going to attempt to convince a girl to buy me a drink.

Hot Dog Head

2007-05-19T19:36:00.000-07:00

You ever get that slow thought process immediately after you've eaten a hot dog?

What causes that?

I think it only actually happens after you've eaten too many too fast.

Maybe a hotdog an hour over a day wouldn't cause that; but the 3 hot dogs I just ate one after another... yup.

Slow thoughts; feels sorta like I'm on Tylenol night time.

wow... they shouldn't sell drowsy medicine for cold relief; they should sell hot dogs.

Blockbuster girl.

2007-05-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

so I was dancing (last time I was in town) with these nursing girls; one of them looked like a girl who works at the local blockbusters. I've been trying to schedule my blockbuster visit to co-inside with her working and maybe strike up a little conversation.

Just to see if she's the same and maybe link up with a cool group of girls to go party with.

So I popped in; found her and managed to start off the conversation in the wrong direction. Which is cool. I'm rather nicely dressed today, had my bike with me and just got my hair foiled; freshly tanned from skydiving... so I figure I'm pretty attractive.

Which is great; unfortunately, she's not that girl. Regardless, i got my flirt on. Proceeded to save-on-foods to pickup some smokies, got my flirt on there too. Maybe i just look weird or soemthing, because like everything female keeps looking at me. I think I got 3 double takes. And I've only been out of the house for like an hour or so.

Skydiving

2007-05-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

Ok; so I went out skydiving on the weekend.

Strangely enough, I was more worked up on the ground than I was in the plane about the whole "getting out of the plane" situation.

Got in, flew up, stepped out... and here we go!

I don't know if it was fun or not, I feel strangely blank about the whole thing.

So I wanted to give it a second go. Signed up for the AFF jump 1 for Sunday. Instead of jumping at 3500 feet, you jump at 11,000 feet. You have to deploy your own chute, though there are two instructors jumping with you to make sure everything goes alright. And you free fall for 40ish seconds.

The plane went up, I jumped out... it was sorta strange. Good strange, but strange. After I relaxed into it, it felt good; flying through the air. Almost like being on my bike going really fast... but it was a good touch faster than that; and you didn't feel the acceleration. your just... weightless.

There were a few moments of panic; I have to be honest... which was nice to work though. And I couldn't find my pilot chute (which deploys the main chute) so the primary instructor (who was awesome) had to deploy for me.

I failed that jump, so I have to do it again if I'm to proceed with the process.

But... but but but.

I don't know if I want to do it again. It was fun. But a strange fun. Compelling fun. One of those "I enjoyed myself, but I'm not sure how or where" types of fun.

Adrenalin rush...

Well; unfortunately, I've spent years in ninja class training that whole adrenal response out of my body. Not that I don't dump a huge amount of adrenalin into my system when about to jump out of a plane; but that it doesn't really make me feel good. I just notice my reactions being a little off unless threatened.

Two things the instructor noticed. 1) my hands are a lot different than most people he deals with. Apparently i have a rather large muscle between my thumb and index finger on both hands. Its a grip muscle I think. From hours of hitting things with sticks and stuff. (which is why its developed on both hands, instead of just my right) 2) even though I was in panic mode when I fell out of the plane, that my co-ordination was a little off and my thought process wasn't right; my awareness of everything was bang on.

He said that was very strange and amazing that I could remember anything at all. I recounted things like my altimeter reading when I checked it each time, what signals everyone made, in what sequence... things like that. I replayed the entire jump for him using words; the only details I got skewed were things I couldn't see and described using feel alone.

Awareness training - 1; adrenalin blindness - 0.

Summary; the skydivers at the club were awesome. Everyone was crazy cool about everything. threw the football around before the jump and some Frisbee after the jump; there was a fire with beer (which I didn't go to cause i was tired) Saturday evening and the atmosphere was wicked friendly.

The jumps themselves, while doing an incredibly dangerous thing (ignored until I heard some of the stories of whats happened on previous jumps) were elevated to an incredibly fool proof and safe level. (well... as safe as they can be.)

The cost? my first jump (with photos) cost $200. That included like 6 hours of class time, equipment and the jump itself. My AFF level 1 which included 2 hours of training and 2 instructors jumping with me (all equipment as well) ran $250.

All in all; I'd say that it was a good adventure.

Will I do it again? if I'm in town next weekend... I just may be persuaded to jump once or twice more.

(once you finish the training, its like $65 a jump... once you have your own equipment its $35 a jump!)

Power

2007-05-09T20:36:00.000-07:00

There are several heads to power.

Among them are containment, release and generation.

I was faced with some new exercises over the last few days which sorta twigged my thoughts on how I've been attempting to generate power.

I've been really following Wind's path. The path of emptiness, if you would. Not holding any power for myself but remaining empty. That when I need power; I grab it from my immediate surroundings and expel it completely (like a breath) into my subject or target.

What are the other ways?

I spent years studying fire. The act of consuming something; transmuting potential into actual power through its expendature.

I spent a while on water. The act of being in perpetual flow. Never changing, only changing shape if you would. Never consuming or absorbing; only existing in a state of hamony with my environment and balance.

I think its about time to move into the earth.

Moments before sleep, I have dreams; fantasies about being buried until thin soil. Speaking and comuning with the earth.

What lesson does the earth hold for us? That of stored power. The rock slide; immutable, unstopable.

Building and holding; with a sudden release.

Fire can be explosive, but fire typically burns, consumes something over a period of time.

Earth... well; I don't fully understand it yet. I havn't lived its lesson to be able to relate to you all.

I was like the wind, I guess its about time to establish some roots.

Funny story.

2007-05-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

A story that I guess most of my "people I've seen in the last 3 days" friends have heard, I was shopping at Derks Formals; found some shoes that I really wanted.

They didn't have em in my size.

But I was on my way to Winners (like a clothing outlet store, just selling the left over's of seasonal wear for other companies at cheap prices) to pickup a hawaiian shirt. (for the wedding the next day)

And what did they have? The $200 shoes from Derks; reduced to $50 and just in the right size. I bought two styles that I'm very fond of.

I think thats where I'm shoe hunting in the future.

Stress

2007-05-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

*smile* thanks Fated for the reminder.

I think its hard for me to share stress and discord.

Whats going on?

Well; I had last week off. Apperently we had 3 failures in a row after I left that last job; so we lost that pad and rig. Work going out the door.

Should I be concerned? not because of that, no.

But I messed up pretty bad when leaving the shop; brought the wrong tools out. Why? cause I've been working so much.

According to the guys at the office; I've got the highest utilization (I dunno what that means) out of anyone for the company in the last 8 years.

Which is quite the title; I would guess.

The result? I made small strange mistakes.

Oops.

After a week of days off; I'm not at all rested. More stressed than anything else.

So I walked in and they told me to take another week off.

Which is good.

My throat is still healing up from all the rowdy on the weekend and general adventuring over the last few days.

I'm a little crabby and tired, but working on my sleep schedule first, then maybe my activity routine.

Putting myself back together one piece at a time.

Fortunately, my next month is going to be quite lazy. I've got this week off... another potential 2 weeks of work (which I'm going to apply a little pressure to get in somewhere) and then I'm off for another week.

Don't really need the cash, just need to stop spending it quite so efficiently.

Days off

2007-05-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well crap. I was going to get relief today. Talked to the office and I guess the guy's leaving tomorrow.

Another day.

Its a bad sign. I've been speaking with alot of guys from the company. Just shaking hands; that sort of talk. And everyone is disgruntled.

Overworked... that sort of disgruntled. But! So far I'm winning with days out in the field. Yeah for me!

So! a link to todays motivational poster for all you who need it.

Potential

I hope you like it!

update

2007-04-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

Well!

A little update to my online friends here.

I came home, from 20 odd days in the field. Last haul was rough on my system. Picking up and dropping down; just a mess of emotinoal crap that I'm trying to deal with.

Was in town for all of 4 days. I was anticipating a month off; and I got 4 days.

Which i spent avoiding like everything and everyone.

It was sorta nice.

But a headache. I had developed so much out in the field, my sensitivity to others thoughts and presence that I had a splitting headache coming back into town. It was just all the pressure of everything around me. Everyone in my space.

I felt I was going crazy.

Which I guess isn't good.

No biggie though.

So I went out of town to work some more.

Had a psychic visitor and just couldn't hold anything in my system for the next 3 days.

Wasn't really good.

I made some choices and some more changes; and now I'm doing alright.

On the path to recovery and all that.

More things happened; alot of craziness too... I'll post as I can.

Directional Influence

2007-04-28T00:45:00.000-07:00

So my directional hand has decided that I sound just like that kid from home alone.

that if he didn't look at me, he's swear Mcaully Caulkin is sitting right beside him.

Jerk.

---

The day DD is always playing these online slot machines. And every day he wins 1000 or so off of them, just sitting back with this old guy smile on his face.

He got the night guy setup with an account and they were playing last evening.

So me, being the dumbass I am; signed up myself.

My dd and I were up all night gambling at work.

It struck me this morning that it may not be such a good idea to make it so convienient to loose money. That the reason why i like to go to the casino is because its a rare treat. But online; I just need to click a few times and here I am.

Grrr

Here you go guys!

2007-04-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

This is like all about freedom of speach and all that.

"Allen Lee, an 18-year-old straight-A student at Cary-Grove High School, was arrested Tuesday near his home and charged with disorderly conduct for an essay police described as violently disturbing but not directed toward any specific person or location."

(http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-070425essay,1,696682.story?ctrack=1&cset=true)

Two daily thoughts.

2007-04-25T02:27:00.000-07:00

Living is...

Waking up with a smile on your face. If you don't smile when you wake up in the morning, your not truely alive.

---

Religion...

When we constrain things to our words and thoughts, we limit their power in our world. Saying things like "god loves"; the word love is something we define and prove in our world. Applying that to god, we create an imaginary prison for Him and His power.

Setup

2007-04-22T00:20:00.000-07:00

I guess its a sign that I'm a pretty decent guy when my directional driller makes an offer to set me up with his neice.

Shredded Potatoes

2007-04-13T11:24:00.000-07:00

Okk... so today's operation - Shredded hash browns.

I Shredded a potato. Fried it; and they shreds started clumping. So I ate that one up found out that it wasn't quite cooked. So I used more oil. Fried another. Too much oil. Threw that one out. Fried up some more and it was cooked but just not up to par.

So I asked for help.

Here's the answer.

Wash and peel some potatoes. You can cut or box grater them (use the large holes) or shred them how you feel. If your using starchy potatoes (like bakers and waxy potatoes) you may want to rinse some of the starch off the shreds. Other wise they'll clump when you fry them.

We have a few options here.

#1) Blanch the potatoes, let them set and dry before frying them (blanch = quick boil... drop in hot hot salty water for a few minutes, pull out.).

Fry and your good. Blanched potatoes will fry up with a nicer crispiness and color and be fully cooked in the middle compared with only frying them.

Salt and pepper and your done.

#2) Fry the potatoes; pull out when they're browned and put into your oven @ 350F for 5-10 minutes.

Get a frying pan hot with a little bit of oil. add in your potato; a little salt and pepper. Flip it once or twice and your done.

S&P and life is good.

--------

So yeah!

Other than that, I was thinking about browning some onions first and maybe throwing in a little fine diced green/red pepper with the potatoes as they're hitting the fry pan.

Today's operation - shredded hash browns... 3 potato's down... 1 more to go.

Horray!

2007-04-11T19:12:00.000-07:00

First of all; way to go Ottawa for beating Pitsburg hard in their first playoff game.

Seccond, I'm very tired. I went to bed last night at 10ish (got caught in a book) and was woken up at 2am when things started going wrong and we began pulling out of hole.

Similar deal for the night before - late to bed and early to rise.

Grrr.

Looking forward to a day off. Wich will come sooner or later I'm sure. I just got a call from my former trainee; he was just checking out if he's coming back and wanted to let me know that he's requesting me again because he has so many questions about our equipment that are still unanswered.

The office have installed GPS units in all of our trucks. With a nice little beeping unit that lets us know if we're speeding or forgot our seatbelt, accelerate or brake too quickly.

Which is really nice. Thanks guys for the little reminders.

Unfortunately, today they released a policy that all these bad things count for 'points' which are tallied up and specific ranges get colors assigned to them.

If you fall in the 'red' category, your fired.

Funny enough, at the beginning of march, I had a bad feeling and drastically changed my truck driving mentality.

The memo that was released today had a half dozen examples of people in a spreadsheet... but who ever grey'd out the names was an idiot and with some careful negotiation of my monitor, I could make out who they were.

Looks like in the month of march, I accured 120 points... which qualifies for a green rating. Three (out of the 8) qualified for red ratings...

So I'm in sorta a good mood about that.

Good thing I have a car to do all my speeding in when I'm home.

Holographics

2007-04-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

Ok; I'm not sure if I've posted on this before... so figured to give it a minute of my time.

It has often been my observation that the smallest habit of a person has a way to completely represent their entire being.

I guess this is called a holographic representation or really, a fractal.

As I've mentioned before, if you cut a small piece of a hologram off and looked at it, it would be an itty bitty complete picture. Exactly like its origin, only smaller.

So you take a person and how they treat a small puppy. Either loving it or disliking it. How they talk, how they react to whatever it does.

In my opinion, this represents so much in their life. That it can't be confined to how they only treat dogs; but to an effect, how they would treat children and maybe how they treat a playful nature of them self.

I understand this is a crap example; but its also a difficult concept and I'm out of creativity for the evening.

Layers of actualization

2007-04-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a friend a while ago. We were discussing impliecations of healing. About applying energy to a thought to encourage its manefestation.

I brought up something along this tocpic and she used the word "Believe". Something like "I believe in my ability".

Which I immediately jumped upon.

In my mind, there are a few layers of truth.

In the positive column, there is Thought - I think its true; Belief - I believe its true; and Truth - I know its true.

Its a very hard point to convey... the difference between belief and absolution.

That belief is something a person brings up and discusses because it may be incorrect, yet they're ready to prove that is their perspective is the most valid.

Truth... is assumed. Its the one thing that people don't discuss because its beyond question.

....

Which is why people have problems with "reality".

Some times things we take for fact are actually less than belief's. They're mere thoughts that no body questions.

All of a sudden we have all sorts of rules, regulations and limitations that only exist inside our mind.

Impressions

2007-04-08T17:23:00.000-07:00

I was chatting with a friend online today and it dawned me how much of who I think I am is based on input from others.

I'd spent a good and long time attempting to proof my physical condition against what others say; but it looks like my personality is still not entirely under my control.

If your bored; and maybe half of you are; take the time to reflect on what others think and say about you.

Then apply this to now, how you act and behave and contemplate wether how you act now is a product of what they say or if what they say is a product of how you act.

Remote Viewing

2007-04-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

Okk... so I'm very sure that some of my newer readers and friends are going to read this and sorta look askince at me.

Tough. *smile*

Last night, just before morning... I sat in the perfect state of Zen.

I'm trying to figure something out; so I sat in a web of thought for at least an hour. As I drifted deeper into meditation and farther from concious... I had a thought.

I was curious about something, so I followed my thought to have a peek at my house. My beautiful car and the garage.

It was time to get up.

And sitting there putting on my socks, it dawned on me. I just did my first un-aided Remote Viewing.

Mentos

2007-04-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

Okk... so another blog post on mentos and diet coke I've read...

My shopping list? Mentos and Diet coke.

Came back to the rig; was going to drink the Coke; but remembered how much I dislike pop now.

So I grabbed them and went out back. Slipped 3 mentos into the coke before the whole thing started pouring coke all over the place.

I covered it with my palm until I couldn't hold back the pressure, let it go and 3/4 of the coke sprayed out the neck onto the ground.

1 liter of coke with 3 mentos almost emptied the bottle.

Next time, I'll have an assistant will drop a few mentos in and lid it up. I'm very sure we can explode a bottle.

Zero investment

2007-04-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

Here's a thought.

I was watching a presentation on human interaction. The guy who was doing the presentation talked about commitment into a situation/interaction.

Said that people who have invested in something see more value in it and are likely to stay with it for better or worse than those who don't commit to it but can see a higher gain.

He used a lot of metaphors which were all wonderful. I dilute the message because I don't want to copy his material. Just mention is and sorta off-shoot.

So here's a proposal.

Yeah, invest in things. Invest largely in things. But don't look on a long term return, look at what you get instantly and count everything else a bonus.

That you invest money into going out with a person. Invest energy into making her/him/them smile. Invest emotion into making everything perfect.

What can you expect out of this?

Now.

Thats the only thing thats real.

Now.

Not that later is any less real. Not that you can't plant a seed and watch it grow, take care of it and water it; enjoying the fruit it finally produces.

But look at what you get from it.

The planting isn't the investment and the fruit isn't the return.

The planting is its own reward. The watering its own reward.

Every moment your creating your own mental status and situation.

Take pleasure in taking care of the tree. Not to see it grow, but because the moments you take to water it and care for it, as you give it your own energy, you gain equally. True, the longer you care for something... a residue will develop. Increasing gains from the same effort.

Ultimately, modeling after this mindset, your not "committed" to anything. Your not "owed" anything from your initial investment of time.

Its already been paid back.

Your ... free.

Investment

2007-04-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

Why are we here?

Its strange, books like the Celistine prophesy say that we're here to share an experience, once we finish feeling what we're here to feel, once we learn what we need to learn, we leave.

We cross that threshold and become pure and perfect.

What is real?

Nothing is. Only 'us'. 'I'.

We all have seen "the Secret". "what the bleep do we know" and other movies like this. All read books that tell us what we call reality is a mirror of truth which we create in our minds. That we can have anything we want, we just need to summon it in our minds.

This is even supported by Christianity's "just ask god" ideal which you hear over and over again.

So why would we spend our whole lives following the walls in our little rat race?

Funny story; the more we 'invest' in this rat race, the more we solidify our existance here and now... the higher the walls become, the harder it is to acknowledge other existances and realities exist.

Letting go.

2007-04-06T11:17:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a long one... so please, grab a bag of popcorn. *smile* And its going to be in multiple parts... because I'm not done meditating this one out.

Commitment.

If I have a major thing that I coach people through, its men and commitment. Taking a friend and helping them deal with making a choice and sticking to it.

Typically in a relationship sense, its true... but commitment in general.

Men are afraid of holding on.

But whats the deal?

Until you sign the papers, you haven't bought the house... you know?

So what makes tomorrow more scary than today?

That's what baffles me. And what i help others work through.

No matter what, we are in charge of our futures. We are in control (no matter how hard we tell ourselves we're not) of what happens to us and what we do.

And there is nothing wrong with changing your mind either.

So your in a relationship. You get closer to the girl, she moves in maybe. Or you share love; express feelings and emotion.

Today, vs. tomorrow... if your enjoying yourself; love being with that person and can't imagine being with any one else... but you don't think your ready for commitment... its no big deal.

Don't get upset and excited. Continue to enjoy yourself. Be open and honest with your partner for sure, but be honest with yourself most of all.

Don't be afraid of loosing yourself. Don't be afraid of becoming someone else or trying something differently.

Why? because you can always come back to being who you were before.

There is nothing you can do that you can't undo. And you have to understand that. Commitment is like passing a 'point of no return'... except as perfect beings... there is nothing we can't be, nothing we can't do, nothing we can't undo.

We have no 'point of no return'. Its always intention based, always feeling and thought based. Happiness is a reference point we hold in our mind... something we create because of our obsessively compiling and labeling nature.

Tingle

2007-04-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

Some days, my fingers tingle... my skin is expectant with energy. Everything I touch tells me its story through feeling alone.

Bored

2007-04-03T07:17:00.000-07:00

I was bored. Oh so bored.

Which is the essence of awesome.

When I'm bored; I start doing 'funny' things. ('funny' usually means stupid and slightly dangerous)

Fortunately, the office figured to break up my boredom by sending me a very not-strong 2nd hand to train up. Yay!

So here is a photo of me doing what I do best. Something questionably stupid and moderately dangerous.

Thats right, I'm balancing on a weight doing bicep curls.

You would think this an ordinary thing... but the weight on the bottom doesn't have a flat edge. I actually fell over like 3 times trying to get this picture.

Use your imagination please

April showers

2007-04-03T07:16:00.001-07:00

Okk...

The best joke ever.

If april showers bring may flowers... what do may flowers bring?

Pilgrims.

Trainee's

2007-04-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

Alright, this is awesome!

My trainee doesn't speak much english... and he messed up really good.

He didn't send in some safety stuff from the last quarter...

If you have it sent out, you get a $25 bonus per day you've worked. Which works out to about $1000.

Which is hilarious for me. He's like "I didn't send out some safety stuff..." and I got to break it to him... that it doesn't upset me, only that he isn't elegable for his thousand dollar bonus.

He was in shock... took it in stride with a pretty nice smile... saying that he doesn't really need the thousand dollars, but maybe it would be useful for pocket change or something to pickup a cart at the grocery store.

It was awesome! I was looking to hurt someone's feelings tonight, and sure as shit a wicked oppourtunity just appeared for me!

Yay!

You are what you eat

2007-03-28T19:08:00.000-07:00

What does that mean? You are what you eat...

Like really. How can a man turn into broccoli? Or like a pie or something.

I spent some time thinking about this today. I don't know why I would, but it happened... and here I am; trying to get this thought out of my head so I can go to sleep.

I was walking down a path in High School. Talking with a good friend of mine at the time about who we hang out with. What these people are doing to us and all that.

I can recall and feel everything that passed through my head at that time, like an echo of a thought I'm having right now.

Shaping ones life... you are what you eat... identifying elements that you want in your life...

I was thinking that perhaps if you wanted more apples in your garden... you plant more apple seeds. The easiest place to get apple seeds? from a friggain' apple tree.

All I'm sayin' is that the easiest way to revolutionize your life would be to find something you like and hold onto it. Don't let it go. Take that apple tree and take care of it. Let the little apples that fall find fertile soil... guess what?!? You get more apple tree's next season! Tralaa!

Summoning, creating out of nothing is difficult. Taking something and making more... simple simple simple.

------

Well... *smile* A twist.

As I was thinking of a conclusion... I met the stranger that looks back at me in the mirror.

There is more to this.

The Apple Tree.

If your going to work out, if you want more muscles or more density; there is more to it than a routine.

If you want to juggle, some times practicing every day for a few hours won't give you the skills necessary to complete a full set.

If you want to learn how to dance, only going through the moves and copying routines of other dancers doesn't instill that fluidity and grace, the power and possession we see on stage.

Part of this is doing. Watering the lawn so the grass will turn green and grow.
Part of this is refining. Pulling the weeds so the little grass guys get all the possible nutrients and sun light.
Part of this is diligence. Putting off that ball game to take care of things that will flounder without attention.

But the other half might be something we can't put our fingers on.

A connection.

Something I relate to that smile I get when I've figured out another piece of the puzzle.

That gift from God we see all around us but rarely recognise in ourselves.

And maybe a little trust.

----

The man who doubts what he's doing but works out obsessively for hours a day, days a week... he won't see the same gains as another who trusts that he will succeed and works only half.

There is so much I can say.

My first girlfriend, we went to church together. The pastor looked out over the assembled mass and preached about taking that leap of faith. That if a man was on a ladder and knew he couldn't climb any more, that God would catch him if he simply let go; would he?

Which very nicely brings a point.

Perhaps the only thing that is holding us on the bad side of the line that separates achievement from attempt is belief.

The blind belief that we will do what we set out to do.

Identify an apple tree in your life.

Movies

2007-03-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

I watched a few tear jerking movies over the last few days.

Checked out "The pursuit of happyness" with Willy Smith and "The Guardian" with Costner in em.

Both very good movies actually.
I have to be honest, I teared up once or twice.

It feels good to be a Man.

Baking

2007-03-28T15:01:00.000-07:00

Our driller is a Huterite.

Which is cool, I guess. Funny enough - as your talking with him... you can be talking about skiing and trucks and all sorts of manly things. But in his eyes, you can see the only thing he's thinking about are combines and sheep.

He's cool like that.

Today was muffin day. I baked up a batch or two of banana muffins. Was talking to the boys about the muffin's I baked and the driller pipes up "men shouldn't be baking. Never mind that! The only cooking that men should be doing involves the BBQ."

Something about muffins should come from the store.

So!

Does anyone know a muffin recipie that you cook on the barbeque? Or maybe just make muffins like normal and put the barbeque on medium or something?

That'll be fridayish.

Operation muffin continues.

Bones in the sand

2007-03-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

Some times we wear down and wear out. Our tolerances become low and we act in ways that surprise our friends and co-workers.

I don't know if this is actually based in reality, but I sorta figure that in instances like these we represent a desert. That perhaps our energy is used up, sorta like sand being blown away from bones hidden. And in moments of weakness; our countenance exposes the bones from the past hidden within.

Platinum Relationship

2007-03-25T14:51:00.000-07:00

I've done some thinking over the last few minutes.

A friend has brought up the "golden rule" with me. I had to trump her with the "platinum rule".

This is something I've discussed before.

The golden rule being - treat others as you would like to be treated.
The platinum rule being - treat others as they want to be treated.

As I think I may have beaten these to death, I figured I'd talk about some other aspect of this.

We're all out there looking for happiness. Looking for a relationship that will make us happy. Looking for someone who can meet our needs.

I dunno about those above statements.

I know this turns into one of those 'communism' like ideas - where everyone has to jump on board at the same time, otherwise they're not worth anything... but still. Hear me out.

Instead of looking for something, why don't you offer something? Find someone who you think you can make happy.

Don't judge by class... "she's in my class, she's out of my league" etc. Look for someone you can satisfy perfectly... thats where you should be aiming.

What'll this do?

First off, people will find you more attractive. Your not one of the thousands looking to take from him/her. Your the only one looking to give.

Secondly, you might actually become happy. I know this is a strange concept; but happiness is achievable. As a provider of happiness, you actually get to touch on it yourself.

There is lots more I could do to discuss this, but I think I'm going out side for a froleich in the mud.

The Island

2007-03-24T22:38:00.000-07:00

A little update...

A friend of a friend died, the island that is my friend was the center of some bad energetic waves which came to me resonating with my own internal issues and caused a substantial amount of unhappiness. (Not to under-value a person dieing... sorry about that if your upset by my very self oriented comments when my friends are in pain.)

At the same time, the last girl I've been 'intimate with'... even though I've severed as much connection with as I could; she was dumped a few nights ago. Incidentally, like water traveling along the same path as its previously gone before, same deal.

I woke up this morning (Saturday) feeling very close to being hung over. Spent the majority of this morning/afternoon wondering if it would feel worse being hit by a truck or not.

Spending some substantial time attempting to stay afloat in this messy messy emotional drama, I found something. As I was driving to pickup some equipment from another rig; I ended up repeating out loud my name. One of those "I am me" type of things. After my headache went away and my back relaxed enough so I could sit straight, I released these thoughts to let them simmer in my subconcious for a little bit.

There has to be an easier way.

As we broadcast our thoughts, we broadcast emotions as well. But there is a core of us that's untouchable by outside forces (unless you intentionally - very consciously - let someone touch this). and is usually ignored by us in our day to day life.

Same thing - there is something that (regardless of intention) is unassailable by impression from other people.

While I was distracted tonight, (at a movie) I found something which I either forgot about, or didn't know existed. Almost a mountain rising out of this sea of emotional turbulence.

Tonight's homework for myself?

Before I go to sleep, I'm going to find my little beach that's untouched by this massive body of water we share with those around us and setup a hammock and just... relax for an hour or two.

Kitchen accessories

2007-03-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

Ok; Seriously...

I was in Wal-Mart the other day, looking for creative things to spend money on.

I found this in the scrubbing isle. Its a little mop to dry your dishes with I guess.

Though how it works, or how you would get the water out of the mop from dish A so you could dry dish B... well it just beats me.

If any of my readers has a use for this, let me know. I'll send one out your way and you can tell me if it actually works.

Death

2007-03-23T16:25:00.000-07:00

What do you say to a friend whose friend has just died suddenly and unexpectedly?

"How was work?"

Maybe feeling a little in-adequate here.

Smart bastard

2007-03-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

As I still have limited access to my company truck, I had to take a cab yesterday to get to the shop.

Never mind it taking an hour to get a taxi to my house (waited 20 minutes, before cab company A called me up to let me know the closest taxi is like a half hour's drive away - called another company which apperently sent out a taxi from the same area). The taxi that finally picked me up was a hybrid.

Which was cool. I'm actually rather pleased with my first hybrid ride.

Apperently 3-4 days of continuous taxi driving takes 1 tank of gas. He was so happy, he picked up another one for his wife - she fills her tank less than once a month. He saves on average of $900/month on gas. Which should more than pay for all vehicle related expenses.

If I didn't get hard from feeling torque when I pressed on a gas pedal, I think maybe this hybrid party would be something to get in on.

Funny Story!

2007-03-21T23:41:00.000-07:00

Funnily enough; I went to empty the hard earned dirty water from the vacuum mentioned below... figured that it would be like a humidifier - one hole, where you need to turn upside down to hold the water in with out leakage.

Its not. For the system to work, there's a rather large vent in the top of the dirty water canester.

Which I found when I turned the container over and discovered how dirty the water actually was.

Good thing I had a good vacuum on hand to clean it up.

Thats what you get for complaining about finding an easy way to do something.

Lazy

2007-03-21T11:55:00.000-07:00

Ok; so I actually hit "Lazy" rock bottom.

I went out and picked up a "little green". Its a Bissell vacuum that uses water to clean stuff.

Which is great! I hate having a dirty car floor and figured that this would be the easiest way to maintain its clenliness. And my truck has a rubber liner on the floor. Mopping and scrubbing and mopping and scrubbing... hours of labour; only to have it dry and realise that the water ended up dirtier than the floor was origionally.

Ugh.

So this little $100 unit kicks ass at that.

But then I though... wait a minute! What abuot all those little lino stains in the kitchen?

So I plugged the unit in and spot cleaned a few places.

Now! instead of doing a sweep and mop ! I can just bust out my little floor cleaner, hit that 1 new mess I just made and leave all the other ones for like... tomorrow.

Huzzah!

And as I got to the computer, all I could think about was... I just spent $100 so I didn't have to mop the whole floor.

That I would call lazy.

Snowboarding

2007-03-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

This whole manefestation thing rules.

I've been thinking (little thoughts over the last month) that I should pickup a new jacket, something similar to my company jacket just a 3 way one that is warm enough for snowboarding and everything associated with winter sports.

I got to the office this afternoon and talked with a few of the staff... they directed me to our well... I dunno what she does... but she does something... for a new jacket.

I went to try it on, and sure as shit! A beautiful water proof, wind proof, softshell/hardshell 3 way jacket.

It fits! and it even looks not so bad.

I'm very impressed.

So I think I'm going to have to go out snowboarding in the next few days to give it a good try.

Things not to eat

2007-03-19T18:08:00.000-07:00

Another month or two and I'll have full truck priveladges restored.

Which is nice!

But I usually take a cab from the shop home when I come in from a jobsite. It allows me to take a nice nap on the way home. True! its a $50 nap... but that just makes it all the better.

This time, I was a little lazy, so I just called the 'rents to come and get me.

I was talking about how happy I was that I had eaten a whole coconut two days ago. The first thing out of mom's mouth was "and you sat on the can the entire next day?"

Which shocked me.

Apperently, coconut is something that just stream-lines the whole digestion process.

Which is awesome! A very good thing to know. Now.

Too bad I didn't know it BEFORE I ate the damn thing.

Life's witness no longer

2007-03-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

I am life's witness.

I've said that, many times. Many hundred times.

I would watch people interact, doing what I need to smooth the flow of power between them so its 'healthy' (or what my bias creates healthy as).

Something happened today.

A friend did me a great honor and shared with me. Shared some thing that she knew would hurt me. But a good hurt. Like setting a bone. A pain I was looking for.

Almost like offering a clue to where the Easter egg is hidden inside my mind (while I'm on the great Easter egg hunt.) (and the Easter egg holds like... painful stuff. Ok, maybe not like an Easter egg at all.)

I learned that I can't be life's witness anymore.

Its not my place to feel an other's pain and to hold it as my own, to heal them using my body/mind as a surrogate.

I have room for 1 body mind in my aura, and maybe that's gotta be me for a little bit. At least until I understand what I'm giving up when I lend it out.

I love you all, very much.

I know this is very brief. Please ask questions if your curious.

The muffin man part 2

2007-03-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

Funny story.

The company man out here was so pleased with my muffin baking that he asked me to bake a cake for the medic on wednesday for her birthday.

*smile*

Its funny, after you scrape away the oil, these are real people out here.

(and yeah, my muffins still suck balls)

Finding myself

2007-03-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a friend last night; she mentioned that "self diagnosis" is a very bad idea.

Which - in an energetic sense - is something I find very confusing.

I'm very sure and understand the fact that we often hide who we are and what we are from ourselves. But... but but but.

The problems that I have, I create.

Once you become aware, once you acknowledge that your doing something; you gain control of it.

Even if you don't want to be in control of it, its presence exists. Like stepping on a splinter or suddenly becoming aware of a sound that a piece of furniture makes.

And eventually; your subconcious finds the knot and starts to unwind it.

Essentially, by bringing it to the light of awareness we've begun its dissembling and eventual destuction.

All started by "I Can"

The muffin man

2007-03-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

Do you know the muffin man?

Yeah! he's right here!

Went to town yesterday for some ice cream cake. Unfortunately, Dairy Queen was closed. So I picked up some teflon muffin cooking devices and some muffin mix.

I was thinking that what the boys would most want after working out in the cold is some nice freshly baked muffins!

Unfortunately, my baking skills are slightly lacking. Apperently this oven's temperature calibration isn't up to spec. 400 ferenheight is like 450ish and burns the crap out of the outside of muffins while leaving the inside moist and happy.

Cajun muffins.

So I had to eat like the entire first batch (getting rid of the evidence)... *smile* turned down the temperature and put in the seccond batch.

Just awesome

2007-03-09T09:35:00.000-08:00

I hope this link doesn't break any time soon, cause this is JUST AWESOME!

German settles divorce with chainsaw
A 43-YEAR-OLD German decided to settle his imminent divorce by chainsawing a family home in two and making off with his half in a forklift truck.

This has to be in response to a woman's most favorite taunt... "you don't have the guts" and after he leaves, saying to her friends "what can he do?"

Psycho Killer's

2007-03-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

I was watching TV. That cursid devil box.

Something's always tickled my imagination when watching children on TV.

Seeing children period. There is something different between them and us. I'm sure you all would call it puberty or growing up. But there is something there that shouldn't be there.

Almost like a contamination of the soul we shouldn't endure, but all go though. That most people call maturity or growing up.

-----

I have a second hand out here. A very spiritual kid.

Which is awesome. He seems to defer to me regarding things of the soul. Which is also awesome. Whats not so awesome? He's messed. If there was anyone I would say has that "psycho killer" look, its him.

The last directional hand I was working with was fucked. Absolutely crazy. Angry crazy. But this is different.

My second hand is the 'nice person' who you just feel uncoumfortable turning your back on.

Which is funny, he looks very similar to a trainee that i had 6 months ago. And everyone I've talked with who knew him before or after has elected him to the "most likely to kill people" board.

---

Profiling.

I went to a body/face reading seminar... they say that the same physical attributes identify trends in behavior.

Perhaps this is further proof, the psycho killer look, that profiling actually follows realistic trends?

Have you ever looked at a little kid and said "that kid looks like he'll be a psycho killer"?

I havn't.

And another favorite goes out the window.

2007-03-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

Good news; I've been eating awesome healthy for at least a week now.

Bad news; I hit up starbucks for some wicked awesome coffee. You know, a little caramel macciato to brighten up my morning!!! (*laughing* with a 1 hour drive to get to the nearest Starbucks). Because I know what it feels like to be eating well, this drop to crap intake again has me making trip after trip to the bathroom.

No Caffine high; only a headache and a sore tummy.

Great.

Oh yeah - Speaking about which... I've started eating healthy.

And I made a personal decision to clean out one or two negative restricting belief's/emotional scar tissue type thingers that reside in my mind.

Ever since then (like yesterday or the day before) - I havn't been able to stop eating.

Just constantly consuming food. I thought for a time it was an attempt to gather nutrients... but its not that. I varied from natural sprouted almonds, whole grain bread, pasta, chicken, veggies... all sorts of stuff. (even tastey tastey red delicious apples - still hungry)

So I guess either my body is in for a change, or I'm gathering energy to be able to change how I want to.

It'll be a suprise and I'll keep you all posted.